Living across the street from a pub makes me sad. I realise* that this is an odd reaction. Most people would be excited for the convenient access to alcohol. Or I suppose there are people who would be annoyed by the loud, drunken people standing outside their window every night. But I am me. Weird things make me sad.
Here are my thoughts: I am sitting alone on my bed as I write. I don't even have music playing. My room is small and messy because there just isn't enough room for all of my shit. And I've put no decorations on my walls. There is one small window covered with beige curtains to match the beige walls. The room is lit by a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling - no treatment to go with it, no sconce or shade or covering; it's just a plain light bulb. I don't mind.
But outside my window I can hear the sounds of happy people at the pub. People are laughing and talking as they smoke their cigarettes on the sidewalk. They are young and pretty and dressed nicely. Pubs in Oxford aren't like college bars in America. No one is shitfaced and yelling. The girls aren't scantily clad. Ed Hardy t-shirts are few and far between (at least at the pub I observe every night).
And this scene from my life is making me sad. I don't really know why.
Other things on my mind (in list form because I like to make lists of my thoughts):
1. Generally, I don't mind not having a phone. It's not intentional. I'm not one of those annoying people that is trying to be free and peaceful in the present or whatever. I just have crappy luck. But I've survived almost a month now without a phone and, although it has been very inconvenient at times, I haven't been too upset about it. At the moment, the worst part about not having a phone is that I have no alarm clock.
2. You know how you always dread that phone call out of the blue when someone you love is in the hospital? That phone call is the worst thing in the whole entire world. It's just plain awful. Well, when you live overseas and don't have a phone...you just get an e-mail a few day later. And the loved one is all, "So two days ago I was rushed to the hospital because of my heart 'thingy.' No biggie."** And you sit in your bedroom, an ocean away, gazing in horror at your computer screen. The e-mails goes on to talk about boy problems, but you can't read any more of it because all that's going through your head are memories of the time this particular loved one almost died at a party because of her heart 'thingy' over the summer. And you just can't stop remembering how awful it was to be there when your best friend was unconscious and not breathing. But this time you weren't there. And you just find out from a casual e-mail days later.
3. I have officially stopped converting everything from pounds to dollars in my head. This was completely necessary. I am going to be here for a long time. I have to just accept the fact that the American dollar is shit. I was poor in American. I am even poorer in England.
4. I know I should be blogging more about how much fun England is. I should be writing up posts about all the fun things I'm doing in Oxford. I should put up pictures. This is an adventure. I should document it. But I just can't be bothered. Also, that's all crap. Yes, I'm having fun and yes, I love it here. But I've also been working a lot and I've been sick. I haven't had many adventures. It's not new and exciting anymore. It's just another school.
*Since I am in England, the online spell-checker just corrected my American spelling. I don't know how I feel about this. This is one of the weirdest experiences I've had since moving to England. Everything here is so similar to America, just a little different.
** Exact quote from e-mail: "I sort of had to go to the hospital on Sunday night because of a thingie. Really it wasn't that big, they just wanted to make sure I hadn't upgraded to heart attack because I didn't wake up for a while." Thanks, Jocie. Nearly gave me a heart attack. ["sort of had to go to the hospital" - you can't sort of go to the hospital, you just GO, it's all or nothing]
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