February

I just had to change a song that came up on my shuffled iTunes because it was too happy. That should give you an idea of my general state of mind at the moment.

It is February. It's cold and grey. I have no energy. And I am bogged down in constant reading that never, ever ends. I know I'm an English major so reading shouldn't be a burden...but sometimes Oxford's style of tutorials just becomes a bit tiring. It's a constant stream of work. There is never a break. It's two months of reading-then writing-then more reading-then more writing-repeat ad nauseam. I won't have a break until March 7. Yes, I have started the countdown. My last essay of term is due Wednesday, March 7 at 18:00. 5 more weeks and 10 more essays. And I'm already feeling rundown.

Then there are the other things: I'm broke but I am trying to plan a tour of Europe, which seems like an impossible dream; I am seeing a new guy and as exciting and fun as it can be, it also brings up a lot of anxieties and insecurities; all winter I have been steadily gaining weight and for someone with a rough history when it comes to body image and weight perception even just a few extra pounds can be catastrophic for my psyche; I am trying to graduate this summer, which means I have to deal with all of the administrative details of credit transfer and fulfilling subject/major requirements; and I also have to figure out what I will be doing this fall...and then possibly for the rest of my life.

So yeah. It's February.

And I just want to curl up under the covers and forget about life until winter is done and gone.