Sometimes

Sometimes you just have a shitty night. And then sometimes you have an even shittier morning after.

Last night I was in a pissy mood. One of my best friends that I've made at college so far broke up with her serious boyfriend on Friday. She hasn't stopped crying in three days. I don't know how to help her, though, because I have such an unhealthy love life that I can't help myself. Seeing Annie so upset and heartbroken just reminds me of my own bruised and battered heart. And now I'm adding on more bruises because I'm a horrible masochist. I've just come to realize how I keep repeating my old mistakes. It's like a sick circle I keep making myself run around. I just can't stop. But I want to because I know if I keep going around this track I'm going to end up where Annie is, stuck in bed crying for days, completely broken.

Then, this morning I wake up and check Facebook to find my newsfeed filled with status updates of "RIP Frank." A boy I knew in high school, a friend of my brother, killed himself last night.


I don't really know how to deal with this. I didn't know Frank very well. I saw him out at parties and knew him through my brother. He was just a nice guy, an athlete. He was young and vibrant. And last night he hung himself with his tie.

I called my brother this morning. He's having a rough time. I could tell from his voice he was upset but just didn't want to deal with his feelings. He's going home this weekend for the funeral.



All of this coming all at once is really affecting me. I just want to get back in bed, pull the covers up over my head, and stay there forever. The world is a horrible place. All this life brings is shit. Pain and heartbreak and shit.