Bittersweet Homecoming

Here is a surprise: I am sitting on the Big Purple Couch again! Not only that, but I am sitting on BPC while watching my RAVENS on TV.

It feels so nice, so familiar. I came home for the weekend expecting everything to feel a little different now that I've lived away from home for six weeks. But instead it feels the same. I just fell right back into my life here, complete with old drama and disturbances.

First riding in on the bus I was giddy with excitement. I didn't realize how much I missed home until I was within an hour's distance. Then, I have never been so happy to see my house in my life. My dogs came running and practically tackled me. Honestly, I missed my dogs more than I missed my family (more on that to come). Firday I ended up driving out to all my old haunts. Retail tharapy at the mall just like old times (weird the things you miss but I've never tried to hide my shopping addiction), Smoothie King and reservoir run (we saw the regular horde of NDP girls and it made me want to go back), lounging by Emily's pool (which was sadly closed).

I mentioned that I didn't really miss my family all that much, not surprising given our history, but I did miss my friends, who stood in for my family for 4 years. We met for a "Family Dinner" at Emily's and as everyone arrived we would scream and run out to tackle them in hugs. It was stupid and silly, it's only been 6 weeks and we've been skyping all the time, but just to be able to give my friends a hug felt so good. I can't even explain how many times I've been at college and just wanted a hug from Liz or Dena or Kathleen and had to settle for a Skype conversation instead.

I suppose I should have put my family on more of a priority. After all, they are my family and they haven't seen me in six weeks either. But, honestly, I just wanted to stay and talk all night with my friends. Instead I left my friends to go home and see my family (when I had been home earlier everyone had been at work and my siblings hadn't gotten in yet).

I shouldn't let it bother me anymore but almost as soon as I walked in I was just thrown right back into the mess that is my family. It's the sort of mess that everyone sees, everyone takes part in, but no one wants to admit to. We make each other feel like shit, we are conscious of it, and yet we just go on. I thought going away for college would help but if anything it made it worse. It feels bad when your family makes you feel like shit. It feels even worse when your family makes you feel like shit after you've been away for six weeks and they should be happy to see you. Now, I know they are happy to see me but I don't understand how they can have me crying on my first day at home. (As always the issue was something stupid. This time: banking)


Sigh. Such is life. I take what I can get. I come home for the weekend, some things are great (hugging my best friend, watching the Ravens game) and some things are not so great (family and friend drama that can still ruin my day) but at least I'm home. I slept in my own bed, showered in my own shower, and in approximately two minutes I will be playing my own piano.