It's a boring Wednesday night in Syracuse. Most of my friends headed down to Funk 'n Waffles to see on of our floormates play open mic night. Normally, I would have been right there with them but tonight...eh. I've noticed that when I'm at college I never have any quiet time. Whenever there's a quiet moment I snatch it up for sleep.
I'm not an anti-social person but for most of my life I've always enjoyed my alone time. Alone time meant I could read or write or play the piano or just sit and think. I haven't been doing much of any of that lately. As much as I love college, sometimes I just feel out of balance.
And so tonight I decided to stay in, not so I could do work but because I just needed to stay in.
NanoWrimo is quickly approaching and I still don't know what I'm going to write about. I'm starting to worry. I've never gone into November without a plot in my head. This will be my fourth attempt and I don't want it to be my first failure. I look forward to November all year long but, once again, lately I haven't been feeling the excitement. And I want to be excited. I love to write. I've always loved to write and I don't know why the excitement has waned lately.
Even writing this blog. I'm not writing to write. Whenever I'm writing here it's because I need to sort out my thoughts. There's nothing wrong with that. That's always been a part of my writing. But it was just a small part, the majority of my writing was just for the pure joy of writing. I'm afraid I've lost that and nothing scares me more than that. If I've lost that, then who am I?
Sometimes I just wonder if I've lost a little too much of myself lately. I don't want that.
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