Still Trying

Today I woke up and my eye was inflamed again. Just my luck, I thought, just my life. Bad things keep happening to me. My life has become actually become a series of unfortunate events.

Misery and hopelessness with a side of burning of the eye. And why not throw in some heartbreak? If you have stress for cheap I'll take a double order. Oh, and what's that special offer again? My depression level qualifies me for a free order of family tragedy? Lovely. And I'll have low self-esteem and insomnia for desert. Thanks so much.

I spend a lot of my time writing about how I've lost hope, I'm unhappy, my life sucks. But life shouldn't be this hard.

I can't help but wonder. Am I so unhappy because of the bad things that have happened in my life? Or do bad things happen to me because I am unhappy? Which came first - the chicken or the egg?

I'm scared. Recent events have left me thinking about the consequences of my persistent depression. I shouldn't feel this way.

I'm trying to look at the positive. I'm looking for 3 Good Things to post here every day. But sometimes I just have to admit that life is hard and I'm unhappy. I will write up my 3 Good Things but, at least for today, it's just a flimsy cover. What are 3 Good Things compared to all of the bad that have piled up?

I know this mindset is unhealthy. Stop moping and whining, Rosalee. Be happy. Appreciate the good things.

I just can't. Not today. But I'll try.


3 Good Things:

1. Fruit Roll-Ups. My favorite snack as a little kid. I bought a box on Saturday and I've been comforting myself with nostalgia for the past two days. They make me feel I'm 8 years old, in the summertime, carefree and happy.

2. Seeing my friends made happy. As bad things have piled up in my own life, good things have been happening for several of my closest friends. I love my friends so much that it helps me to see them happy. I am happy to see them happy. It gives me hope.

3. Reconnecting with family. It took a tragic turn of events but I've been in constant contact with my family over the past week. It's reminded me that I can find comfort there and I had forgotten that. I feel like the past week has brought us closer together. We've come together to support one of our own and it's a powerful reminder that family bonds are strong. We can never stop loving each other.