Today I spent over 100 pounds on books for next term. And I realised that I have 20 days to finish my applications, work out graduation for this summer, and read about a dozen books.
Paradise Lost. A 500 page biography of Milton. All four Gospels plus the Psalms, Genesis, and the Book of Judges in the King James Bible.
A 500 page survey of criticism on European Modernism. Lord Jim by Joseph Conrad. A Passage to India by E. M. Forster. The Waves by Virginia Woolf. And A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce.
And a thorough survey of pre-WW2 poetry bc I also have to write an essay on the topic for 1st week of Trinity (April 20).
Remember how I said my passion for literature was a bit tepid at the moment? Well, these next twenty days will force it back into action.
I don't do well under pressure. I tend to freeze up and everything goes to crap. For example, for the past week I have been so wracked with anxiety that I couldn't check my email. And then when I finally did log into Gmail yesterday, a week's worth of emails had piled up and I had a minor anxiety attack. Now, I just have to find the confidence to actually send a few very important emails. I've never had very serious issues with anxiety but in the past few weeks I've definitely felt some serious negative effects - worse than is probably healthy. I can't check my email anymore let alone send emails to figure out some pretty important life details. I'm putting off some very serious decisions about my future. And every day I have a To Do list that never gets done because I can't stop thinking about everything that I've failed in the past. I don't need my shrink to tell me what's going on - I'm terrified of my uncertain future.
*Ahahahahaha JOKES I am pathetic and I have no life
No comments:
Post a Comment