Now, I love my brothers. They are annoying and sometimes smelly and they are stupid when drunk (or high in Danny's case) but I still love them. Partly I love them because they are my brothers but I also love them because I like to bother them. They are great people to annoy and I am a professional Annoyer.
I am the youngest of four children. If anyone else is the youngest child, generally from a family of more than two children, you can attest to our job as the Official Family Annoyer. We are programmed from birth to Annoy but it is a skill that takes years to perfect. You have to observe each individual and figure out what makes them tick...and then use that information against them!
I bet all of the older siblings here with annoying younger siblings would be shocked to learn that we youngest children are organized. It is our duty to annoy older siblings. We sign a contract when we are born (yes, we are able to sign a contract at birth, youngest children have super powers, which help us to annoy with great skill). We have to Annoy you, older siblings. If we don't, we will be scorned, the shame of youngest children everywhere. And then we will be punished with a younger sibling of our own.
Over the years I must say that I have become a Master Annoyer. It's like a blackbelt but for Annoying. Especially for my two older brothers. If by some chance some other youngest children happen to stop by this blog today, I would like to share my wisdom. My heyday has passed. My siblings all live in different states and I will soon be moving out of state as well. It is significantly harder to Annoy successfully from out of state (although not impossible). Also as we are all Grown Up some of the magic is lost. But I would like to pass on my wisdom to a new generation.
Sometimes it seems like this new generation of youngest children don't even care about Annoying their siblings. It used to be everything I cared about. I lived for Annoying my brothers. Nowadays youngest children are interested in Hannah Montana just like the rest of the kids. It is a tragic loss to Annoying younger siblings everywhere.
So here are some basic Annoying Skills that all youngest siblings can perfect and then use them for years and years with greater complexity and Annoying genius.*
1. Make low noises. These noises need to be so low that the Subject thinks he/she is imagining them and in enough time they will think they have gone crazy. This works at any time of the day but is especially effective when the Subject is working hard on homework. Make sure that it is impossible to trace the noise back to you. You have to be a Master of Stealth.
Some simple but effective choice of noises are buzzing, hissing, and beeping. If you are more ambitious you could try calling out their name or making up an ancient language of your own and pretend to be cursing them. [Also, for any Nerdfighter Annoyers, the call Nerimon started, "bedobedobedododo" might also be a nice choice. I haven't tried this yet but I will investigate and report back.]
2. Lying. This is the Annoying Skill that every other more complex Annoying Plot is built off of. You must be a master lier. To become a master start with small lies. Here is one examples of a simple, yet Annoying lie:(Your brother/sister is wearing a red shirt) "I heard that bats are attracted to the color red."
See #3 for a more complex lie that also incorporates another Annoying Skill.
3. Ignoring. Whenever the Subject speaks it might help to say something like, "What is that buzzing noise?"This is a skill that can be used for more complex plots. For example, pretend the Subject has died. If you have other siblings, get them in on this, too. Ignore them when they speak. Cry a lot, especially when holding a picture of them. Talk about how lovely the funeral was. Have everything remind you of the Subject ("That rock. Oh my God, it looks so much like Johnny!" Then start bawling). I once pretended my older brother was dead for two weeks. It was epic.
4. Steal things/Move things. I mean little things. Like one sock or the power chord to their computer. If you are particularly stealthy, you could also steal their food. While they are looking the other way, grab the chicken leg off their plate. My one brother always wears and Orioles hate. Steal it. Sometimes I would hide it (in the freezer) or sometimes I would just keep it for a few days before placing it under their bed. Then, they feel bad about blaming you for stealing it.
If you have an OCD sibling, I suggest moving things from their normal spot. Make it little things. They will not notice it right away but they will feel something off kilter.
Ok, this blog post is getting a little long. Maybe I will pick this up again for another blog post. It is something I am very passionate about.
Here is one of my favorite songs to Annoy my brothers with. I just sing this nonstop, at the top of my lungs. Especially when out in public: "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion
Memorize the lyrics and use them wisely.
*All of these Annoying Skills are multiplied in intensity and hilarity when the Subject is drunk (or high).
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