Today was one of those days that was supposed to be relaxing--read a book, write, hang out with my dogs. But instead when I awoke from my confusing yet comforting dream I only dozed for about a minute before I remembered what day it was. I jumped out of bed and dashed to my computer cursing my universities registration procedures that have screwed me over multiple times already*. Then, for the next hour, I frantically and with mounting frustration navigated my school's registration site trying to fit all six of my first choice classes into an unrelenting schedule. It was a disaster. Unfortunately as I am working on a double major with a minor every semester has to be perfect to meet my requirements on time**. I made multiple calls to the English and Psychology departments to beg my way into classes. In the end, I fit everything but my psych class. But I am still holding out hope because I need to take this particular class this semester if I want to complete my minor on time***.
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OK. Onto a real blog post.
After my stressful morning, I was possessed by the need to prepare for school. So I headed off to shop for school supplies, a therapeutic tradition for me. I just love buying school supplies. Deciding between binders, notebooks, legal pads. Stocking up on my favorite pens (I am very particular about my pens). Choosing whimsical post-its in cheery colors. I bought so many index cards I was actually excited to use them.
Then, still on a high from schopping for office supplies I bustled over to Target...always a bad idea for a girl with a shopping addiction. I walk into Target and within five minutes my cart is filled. I don't even know how it happens. Everywhere I turn there is something I need to buy RIGHT NOW. On this trip I actually pretended to be a legitimate adult and cruised through the kitchenware section. I drooled over fancy coffee makers and adorable kettles. And of course I found the perfect set of dishes, so cute and colorful and on sale, just perfect for my apartment at school next year. I even bought a matching paper towel holder-thingy. Oh, the joy.
Some people need drugs or alcohol to get them through stressful times, to give them that high and take the edge off. Since I quit smoking cigarettes I've taken up shopping as my number one stress-reliever. It's stupid and it makes me sound so materialistic but really it's not about clothes or meaningless stuff. It's about that feeling I get. Maybe this next purchase will be the one to make me happy. Maybe all I've been missing in my life has been this yellow salad bowl. All this time I've been unhappy and all I needed was this scarf to make my life shiny and perfect. Maybe filling my life with all the right things, all the things a happy person would have, will make me into a happy person. Maybe...
It's stupid. But it's just one of those twisted lies my mind won't let go of. It's hard to separate that part of my mind from the reasonable side. Sometimes it's shopping. Sometimes it's my mind's battle over eating. Sometimes it's more serious. Whatever it is, it's exhausting. And on nights like tonight, I just want it all to stop so I can have some peace but I can't silence it. Tomorrow I'll try something else but right now I'm just going to curl up with a movie and try to escape for a while.
*Warning: this whole paragraph is going to be a pointless rant about registration.
**I have every semester from now until graduation mapped out including my study abroad programs. It needs to work.
***I have become so determined when it comes to dealing with this stuff. I hate my college's system. I came in with an extra semester of credits but I still get a lousy registration time and I get blocked out of classes I need for my major. People who have more seniority, more credits to their name, should get to register first. Instead all first and second years are blocked together in a random lottery for times regardless of credit hours logged. It's ridiculous.
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