I had nothing to blog about today and then I saw YouTube Charlie's newest video and decided to shamelessly steal his idea. Charlie's video was a sort of time-capsule for himself in ten years. Now, growing up has been a theme I've been seeing everywhere. Probably because I am growing up and the people I know and spend time with or follow on the internet are growing up so it's very relevant. I remember when I was 16 I thought that was growing up and I wrote all these journal entries about how childhood was gone and time was passing too fast but I couldn't wait to be independent and 16 was the first time I felt like I had real responsibilities and what I did had meaning. Now, 16 seems so young. It's only been 4 years but turning 20 is much more daunting to me (Hayley G. Hoover wrote a blog post about turning 20 a few days ago and as I, too, and barrelling towards that birthday it's been on my mind a lot). So I've been thinking about growing up.
Right now, 20 seems like a big deal to me. In ten years, when I'm 30 and I look back on this time I'll probably laugh at myself but honestly growing out of my teen years is daunting. I could get pregnant and I wouldn't be a statistic for teen pregnancy. I am no longer grouped with teenagers but will be referred to as a "young adult." I know twenty isn't really all that different from nineteen. I'll still be in college and I'll still be under the drinking age and my parents won't take me any more seriously. But I will be living on my own in an apartment and I'll be responsible for taking care of myself even more than before. I'll be "in my 20s." I'll be one of those "20-something" single women targeted for chick-flicks and chick-lit.
It's a weird thought for me to grasp. Growing up seems more real than ever. Becoming an adult is much closer now than when I was 16. Hell, technically I am an adult.
In ten years, I'll be on the brink of turning 30. I wonder if I'll be feeling this same sense of uncertainty. I have no idea where I'm going to be in 5 years time let alone 10 years. Actually I really don't know where I'm going to be anytime beyond college graduation. I have a few ideas but I'm turning 20 and I still don't know where my life is headed. When I'm 30, though, I hope I'll have it all figured out. I hope I'll be settled on a track for life.
Maybe I'll be married. Actually, I've always hoped I would be married by age 30. I think I'd even like to have at least one baby by the time I'm 30. But putting these time limits is scary because if I want to have a kid by the time I'm 30, then that means I'll hopefully have been married for at least a couple of years. Could I really be married by age 25 or 26? Who would I be married to? Do I already know him? It's possible. A lot of people meet their spouses in college.
All of these thoughts are so scary but at the same time kind of exciting. I'm in no rush to leave this period of my life, the fun college years. But to think about how much I'm going to grow up and how much my life is going to change over the next ten years is kind of exciting.
I hope my 30 year old self will be happy. Right now that seems like a lot to ask but I hope in 10 years I will finally be at peace with my life. Yes, in a perfect world I will have also written a book and become a respected young author. But even if that doesn't happen, I just hope I'm doing something I love and I've filled my life with people I love.
I know in 10 years my life will probably be unrecognizable but that's just the nature of growing up. It never stops. People always talk about growing up as if it's a finite period of time. "Between the ages of 14 and 18 you will grow up." But that's not true. Life is always changing and we change with it. We're constantly growing up into the next phase of our lives. Now, I'm growing up into my 20's. In ten years I'll be growing up into my 30's. It just makes me wonder what life will bring.
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