Funny how things turn around...
3 Good Things:
1. Snow Day. Snow itself will never make it onto a '3 Good Things' list but when classes after 2 PM are canceled because of the cold and wet white stuff, I'm not complaining. I had to wake up and go to my first class but since it was my Shakespeare class I didn't mind. My Shakespeare class has already made it onto a previous '3 Good Things' list and it could be added to every single one I write up because I love it so much. After class I had a long lunch, went to the library to finish a paper, and now have the whole afternoon to myself and I have chosen to...
2. READ. I am going to spend the whole afternoon listening to music and reading. And I won't be reading for class (except Othello but I've already discussed how much I love my Shakespeare class so it still counts as "for fun"). The college lifestyle doesn't leave much time for recreational reading. I brought a ton of books up to college with me, convinced I couldn't live without their presence, without the ability to just reach for my Jane Austen when things got tough. But I've found very little time to actually read all of my books. Today I am going to make up for lost time.
Reading is the perfect snow day activity. There is something about sitting all warm and cozy inside with a good book while "cold and wet white stuff" blows around just outside the window. If I were at home right now I would have my favorite blanket wrapped around me and I would be sitting in my favorite armchair still in my pajamas. Since I'm at school, however, I'll have to make do with my dorm room (and ignore my annoying roommate who has decided to sleep through the afternoon...this bothers me to no end. She is always taking naps. How much sleep do you need? You're not even taking hard classes and you don't have any morning classes anyways. Why are you content to sleep away a perfectly good afternoon?). The view outside my window at school isn't nearly as picturesque as Stone Bridge Farm when it is covered in snow but that's ok because I'll be transported to a faraway lands through GOOD BOOKS.
3. My brother is getting much better. He is being released from the hospital tomorrow afternoon and everything is now under control. I still can't write about why he was in the hospital but I am overjoyed to have my brother back. Hopefully with the new medication, he will be able to lead a normal life. This whole ordeal has really shown how strong my family can be. We made it through to the other end and I think we really are stronger for it. Sometimes, like I said before, it takes a tragedy to bring people together.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Still Trying
Today I woke up and my eye was inflamed again. Just my luck, I thought, just my life. Bad things keep happening to me. My life has become actually become a series of unfortunate events.
Misery and hopelessness with a side of burning of the eye. And why not throw in some heartbreak? If you have stress for cheap I'll take a double order. Oh, and what's that special offer again? My depression level qualifies me for a free order of family tragedy? Lovely. And I'll have low self-esteem and insomnia for desert. Thanks so much.
I spend a lot of my time writing about how I've lost hope, I'm unhappy, my life sucks. But life shouldn't be this hard.
I can't help but wonder. Am I so unhappy because of the bad things that have happened in my life? Or do bad things happen to me because I am unhappy? Which came first - the chicken or the egg?
I'm scared. Recent events have left me thinking about the consequences of my persistent depression. I shouldn't feel this way.
I'm trying to look at the positive. I'm looking for 3 Good Things to post here every day. But sometimes I just have to admit that life is hard and I'm unhappy. I will write up my 3 Good Things but, at least for today, it's just a flimsy cover. What are 3 Good Things compared to all of the bad that have piled up?
I know this mindset is unhealthy. Stop moping and whining, Rosalee. Be happy. Appreciate the good things.
I just can't. Not today. But I'll try.
3 Good Things:
1. Fruit Roll-Ups. My favorite snack as a little kid. I bought a box on Saturday and I've been comforting myself with nostalgia for the past two days. They make me feel I'm 8 years old, in the summertime, carefree and happy.
2. Seeing my friends made happy. As bad things have piled up in my own life, good things have been happening for several of my closest friends. I love my friends so much that it helps me to see them happy. I am happy to see them happy. It gives me hope.
3. Reconnecting with family. It took a tragic turn of events but I've been in constant contact with my family over the past week. It's reminded me that I can find comfort there and I had forgotten that. I feel like the past week has brought us closer together. We've come together to support one of our own and it's a powerful reminder that family bonds are strong. We can never stop loving each other.
Misery and hopelessness with a side of burning of the eye. And why not throw in some heartbreak? If you have stress for cheap I'll take a double order. Oh, and what's that special offer again? My depression level qualifies me for a free order of family tragedy? Lovely. And I'll have low self-esteem and insomnia for desert. Thanks so much.
I spend a lot of my time writing about how I've lost hope, I'm unhappy, my life sucks. But life shouldn't be this hard.
I can't help but wonder. Am I so unhappy because of the bad things that have happened in my life? Or do bad things happen to me because I am unhappy? Which came first - the chicken or the egg?
I'm scared. Recent events have left me thinking about the consequences of my persistent depression. I shouldn't feel this way.
I'm trying to look at the positive. I'm looking for 3 Good Things to post here every day. But sometimes I just have to admit that life is hard and I'm unhappy. I will write up my 3 Good Things but, at least for today, it's just a flimsy cover. What are 3 Good Things compared to all of the bad that have piled up?
I know this mindset is unhealthy. Stop moping and whining, Rosalee. Be happy. Appreciate the good things.
I just can't. Not today. But I'll try.
3 Good Things:
1. Fruit Roll-Ups. My favorite snack as a little kid. I bought a box on Saturday and I've been comforting myself with nostalgia for the past two days. They make me feel I'm 8 years old, in the summertime, carefree and happy.
2. Seeing my friends made happy. As bad things have piled up in my own life, good things have been happening for several of my closest friends. I love my friends so much that it helps me to see them happy. I am happy to see them happy. It gives me hope.
3. Reconnecting with family. It took a tragic turn of events but I've been in constant contact with my family over the past week. It's reminded me that I can find comfort there and I had forgotten that. I feel like the past week has brought us closer together. We've come together to support one of our own and it's a powerful reminder that family bonds are strong. We can never stop loving each other.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
If Chopin Sucked...
My roommate is playing overly melodramatic music right now. It's the sort of dramatic, instrumental music used in bad movies. I know she's just using Pandora because she isn't the sort of person to have instrumental music on her iTunes (her favorite band - of all time, completely unironically, as in she actually esteems their music - is the Pussycat Dolls...you can see why we aren't close). Right now it's this melancholy piano piece, minor key, as if Chopin had decided to become emo and write the soundtrack for a made-for-TV Hallmark drama. Seriously.
Now, I am a musician. I have studied classical piano for years. I have a Pandora station of Piano Solos. I just clicked on my Pandora and Couperin came on. Respectable. Beautiful. What the fuck kind of station is she listening to? Is there a Pandora preset for bad piano soundtracks?
Oh my God. Now it's playing a sappy piano arrangement of Amazing Grace. I might vomit.
This is not what I need right now. Today is not the day for bad music.
3 Good Things*:
1. Here is the right way to listen to piano music in minor key:
2. This poem by Sylvia Plath:
http://www.angelfire.com/tn/plath/alife.html
3. Retail Therapy. Received my new clothes ordered from Delias in the mail yesterday. Clothes from American Apparel will be arriving this weekend.
*I know I've written about how hard it is for me to come up with 3 Good Things but today was especially hard. My brother is in the hospital. We don't know what is wrong but it is very scary. Needless to say, melodramatic music is not helping my mental state.
Now, I am a musician. I have studied classical piano for years. I have a Pandora station of Piano Solos. I just clicked on my Pandora and Couperin came on. Respectable. Beautiful. What the fuck kind of station is she listening to? Is there a Pandora preset for bad piano soundtracks?
Oh my God. Now it's playing a sappy piano arrangement of Amazing Grace. I might vomit.
This is not what I need right now. Today is not the day for bad music.
3 Good Things*:
1. Here is the right way to listen to piano music in minor key:
2. This poem by Sylvia Plath:
http://www.angelfire.com/tn/plath/alife.html
3. Retail Therapy. Received my new clothes ordered from Delias in the mail yesterday. Clothes from American Apparel will be arriving this weekend.
*I know I've written about how hard it is for me to come up with 3 Good Things but today was especially hard. My brother is in the hospital. We don't know what is wrong but it is very scary. Needless to say, melodramatic music is not helping my mental state.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Just Forget It
I don't want to do this.
3 Good Things:
1. Black Coffee
2. Kamel Reds
3. Sleep
I want to disappear.
3 Good Things:
1. Black Coffee
2. Kamel Reds
3. Sleep
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Here's An Idea...
The ever-so-enlightening Nick Kristof is once again calling our attention to a more pressing issue:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/11/opinion/11kristof.html?ref=opinion
Why is it so hard for the American public to think about something other than themselves? Yes, there's a lot of snow. Yes, the numbers are record-breaking. Yes, all that shoveling is a bitch. I feel your pain. I do.
But how about taking some time, while you're snowed in, to feel Africa's pain?
You did great helping Haiti (although, I feel compelled to ask where was the concern before the earthquake. My local parish and the parish school, my former elementary school, have been supporting our sister parish in Haiti for ten years. The need has been there for years, I wish more people had cared a little more then). I was really impressed with your generosity. I always knew you had it in you.
If you can care about Haiti, you can find it in your hearts to care about Africa, specifically the Congo, a little bit more. I know Africa is far away. It's a different continent, a whole ocean away. The region doesn't even have the word America in its name. Technically it's in the Eastern Hemisphere. I know it's easier to help South America, Central America, the Carribbean. It's convenient. They're just so close. And, you know what, I commend you for helping them out. Of course, I do. But, really, is it so hard to spare some caring for the Congo?
No, it's not.
Care a little bit more about the Congo.
Words like "re-rape" and "autocannibalism" shouldn't exist. You know it. I know it. So let's do something about it.
The snow is a bitch but I hope it hasn't frozen over your heart.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/02/11/opinion/11kristof.html?ref=opinion
Why is it so hard for the American public to think about something other than themselves? Yes, there's a lot of snow. Yes, the numbers are record-breaking. Yes, all that shoveling is a bitch. I feel your pain. I do.
But how about taking some time, while you're snowed in, to feel Africa's pain?
You did great helping Haiti (although, I feel compelled to ask where was the concern before the earthquake. My local parish and the parish school, my former elementary school, have been supporting our sister parish in Haiti for ten years. The need has been there for years, I wish more people had cared a little more then). I was really impressed with your generosity. I always knew you had it in you.
If you can care about Haiti, you can find it in your hearts to care about Africa, specifically the Congo, a little bit more. I know Africa is far away. It's a different continent, a whole ocean away. The region doesn't even have the word America in its name. Technically it's in the Eastern Hemisphere. I know it's easier to help South America, Central America, the Carribbean. It's convenient. They're just so close. And, you know what, I commend you for helping them out. Of course, I do. But, really, is it so hard to spare some caring for the Congo?
No, it's not.
Care a little bit more about the Congo.
Words like "re-rape" and "autocannibalism" shouldn't exist. You know it. I know it. So let's do something about it.
The snow is a bitch but I hope it hasn't frozen over your heart.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Changes
New layout. New blog title. Changing it up. Traded in my E. E. Cummings for some Charles Dickens.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Saving a Bad Day
I wasn't planning on updating tonight. I am exhausted, existing on 4 hours of sleep and pure desperation (it took 5 cups of coffee to get me through morning classes today. Not Good). But I just came from reading the ever-so-awesome Hayley G. Hoover's blog and it reminded me of something.
I had a bad day. So I want to do my 3 Good Things before going to bed. At least this way, I can save at least one sucky day from being completely written off as worthless. I'm not even going to write about what made my day so awful (even though the urge to just spill all the negativity out is strong). I just want to put a few positive thoughts out there and then call it a night. So here goes:
3 Good Things
1. Rachmaninoff. Today after my classes I was about to crash but something stopped me from giving in to a much-needed nap. I was about to slip off my boots and hop up onto my bed when I caught sight of my piano music sitting on my bookshelf. For a pianist, someone who has been playing the piano since age 6, there is no sadder sight than forgotten sheet music.
There is no sadder feeling than a week that has passed by without playing music. It shocked me to the bone to realize as I caught sight of my Rachmaninoff Prelude that it had been over a week since I had played. It had been several weeks. The realization was so heartwrenching I needed to put my hands on the keys immediately. Yes, I had been falling asleep in classes all day and my body felt as if it were made of lead, but I NEEDED to play.
And so I took the music, traveled down to the basement of my dorm, and sat down at the piano. This particular piano must be twenty years old at the least. Now, my beloved (beloved beloved beloved) piano at home is over twenty years old but it has been loved and taken care of. This piano in the basement was dumped in a spare room and forgotten about, only to be played by poor college students desperate for any music in their lives. It was out of tune, the keys stuck, even the bench was rickety. But it was a piano. And it still played.
I sat at the piano for two hours. I played songs from my early years of lessons (some classic Mozart Sonantas that just remind me of falling in love with the instrument) and I played new songs I was only just discovering. It hurt me to realize that my playing was rusty but the act of moving my fingers across the keys felt just as natural as it always had.
I ended my session, as always, with my favorite - Rachmaninoff. The song still fills me with warmth and happiness every time I play it (and play it flawlessly, lovingly). Today, playing the piano was worth ten full days' worth of sleep because it just uplifted my soul for a few moments (even if later on life brought it down again...but that's not supposed to be mentioned in my 3 Good Things blog).
2. The veggie burgers in the dining hall. Trivial but they only put out my favorite brand of veggie burgers about once a week. A day with my favorite veggie burger is a good day. There isn't a long story to go along with this Good Thing but it was good just the same.
3. My friend Liz.
I am of the belief that Facebook is actually hindering my relationships with friends away at college. It makes me feel like I am keeping in touch and keeping updated on their life, but really I'm just idly clicking on a photo or typing a shallow note on their wall ending with a few x's and o's. It makes me feel good. But really it's just lazy. That's not real friendship. Before Facebook, you made an effort to stay close with your friends and you found out just how much they meant to you (or you found out that maybe some friends, although you like them and value them, aren't the ones you make that effort for). You kept your most important friends close to you because the effort was worth it.
Talking to Liz, one of my closest friends from high school, on the phone today reminded me that she is one of those friends that is worth the effort. I miss her dearly and sometimes a quick interaction on Facebook is great for that little dose of Liz in my daily life but she is also worth that extra effort made for close friends to stay actively involved in each others' lives.
Now, it's time for bed and I can fall asleep thinking of these 3 Good Things.
I had a bad day. So I want to do my 3 Good Things before going to bed. At least this way, I can save at least one sucky day from being completely written off as worthless. I'm not even going to write about what made my day so awful (even though the urge to just spill all the negativity out is strong). I just want to put a few positive thoughts out there and then call it a night. So here goes:
3 Good Things
1. Rachmaninoff. Today after my classes I was about to crash but something stopped me from giving in to a much-needed nap. I was about to slip off my boots and hop up onto my bed when I caught sight of my piano music sitting on my bookshelf. For a pianist, someone who has been playing the piano since age 6, there is no sadder sight than forgotten sheet music.
There is no sadder feeling than a week that has passed by without playing music. It shocked me to the bone to realize as I caught sight of my Rachmaninoff Prelude that it had been over a week since I had played. It had been several weeks. The realization was so heartwrenching I needed to put my hands on the keys immediately. Yes, I had been falling asleep in classes all day and my body felt as if it were made of lead, but I NEEDED to play.
And so I took the music, traveled down to the basement of my dorm, and sat down at the piano. This particular piano must be twenty years old at the least. Now, my beloved (beloved beloved beloved) piano at home is over twenty years old but it has been loved and taken care of. This piano in the basement was dumped in a spare room and forgotten about, only to be played by poor college students desperate for any music in their lives. It was out of tune, the keys stuck, even the bench was rickety. But it was a piano. And it still played.
I sat at the piano for two hours. I played songs from my early years of lessons (some classic Mozart Sonantas that just remind me of falling in love with the instrument) and I played new songs I was only just discovering. It hurt me to realize that my playing was rusty but the act of moving my fingers across the keys felt just as natural as it always had.
I ended my session, as always, with my favorite - Rachmaninoff. The song still fills me with warmth and happiness every time I play it (and play it flawlessly, lovingly). Today, playing the piano was worth ten full days' worth of sleep because it just uplifted my soul for a few moments (even if later on life brought it down again...but that's not supposed to be mentioned in my 3 Good Things blog).
2. The veggie burgers in the dining hall. Trivial but they only put out my favorite brand of veggie burgers about once a week. A day with my favorite veggie burger is a good day. There isn't a long story to go along with this Good Thing but it was good just the same.
3. My friend Liz.
I am of the belief that Facebook is actually hindering my relationships with friends away at college. It makes me feel like I am keeping in touch and keeping updated on their life, but really I'm just idly clicking on a photo or typing a shallow note on their wall ending with a few x's and o's. It makes me feel good. But really it's just lazy. That's not real friendship. Before Facebook, you made an effort to stay close with your friends and you found out just how much they meant to you (or you found out that maybe some friends, although you like them and value them, aren't the ones you make that effort for). You kept your most important friends close to you because the effort was worth it.
Talking to Liz, one of my closest friends from high school, on the phone today reminded me that she is one of those friends that is worth the effort. I miss her dearly and sometimes a quick interaction on Facebook is great for that little dose of Liz in my daily life but she is also worth that extra effort made for close friends to stay actively involved in each others' lives.
Now, it's time for bed and I can fall asleep thinking of these 3 Good Things.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
"When yer head gets twisted and yer mind grows numb..."
*There are a few things I need to talk about in this blog post. And so in the style of a Vlogbrothers video: This blog is coming to you in 3 parts.
Part 1
I have hinted at this situation in the past two or three posts but I am once again in a pickle. Yes, a pickle. I don't know how I get myself in these pickles. Sometimes I look around and see other girls in happy, healthy relationships and wonder to myself, "How does that happen?" My friend Maria is one of these girls. She's had her fair share of bad situations but at least for the moment she is in a healthy, stress-free relationship with a guy she really likes. I don't even know how such relationships come about.
Right now, I am in just about the opposite of a healthy situation. I always end up in this sort of place and I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong. It's not even that i want a boyfriend because I'm happy to be single and I certainly don't think I need a boyfriend to make my life complete. But it sucks to be in my situation.
I like this guy. He has a girlfriend.
It's a confusing situation because it's not like I'm in love with this guy from afar. We're friends. We live in the same dorm. We're in the same Public Policy class. And we've hooked up several times.
At first he was the one pursuing me and I tried to keep my distance because he had a girlfriend. Then, I gave in. I started to like him. He made me like him. We became friends and he made me like him. He's a really good guy. We're compatible. But he has a girlfriend.
And now he's friendzoned me and gone home to visit his girlfriend for the weekend. Just in case I was wondering. He chose his girlfriend.
But I still like him and it sucks.
Valentines Day is coming up and I've never felt more aware of my single status. I'm not even close to being in a healthy relationship. I'm cursed.
Part 2
There's no seque. Just a jump cut.
I'm thinking of transferring.
I have my friends here and it's not like I hate it here or anything. But I'm not sure if it's the right place for me. I might want to go in a different direction academically and I also think that this environment isn't the best place for me. The application process is stressful because I'm doing everything on my own. I have 3 weeks to get everything done.
I'm not sure if I definitely want to switch schools and start all over but I want to keep my options open.
Part 3
Three Good Things
1. Beach House. I just discovered this band and they're from Baltimore! I love finding bands from Baltimore. The local music scene in Baltimore is just starting to grow (ex. Animal Collective) and I'm excited to be hearing new things. Beach House is a lo-fi, dreamy indie pop sort of music. I like it a lot.
2. My eye infection has gone away and I am healthy for once. Since my last update I was attacked by a severe eye infection. I didn't go to class on Thursday (actually, I didn't leave my bed except to stumble down to health services). I have been sick nonstop since November and now I finally feel healthy again. I had almost forgotten what it felt like not to be miserably sick all the time.
3. My sister. Sometimes I get busy and distracted and forget to call Carlee for a few weeks. Now that we live in separate states and she has a job and I have school, it's easy to let too much time go by between phone calls. But then when we do get to talk I'm reminded of how awesome my sister is. We aren't super close but it's nice to have a big sister you can talk to and who can give you advice. She's 5 years older than me so she's older and wiser but can still relate to my life.
That's all for now.
*Title:
Part 1
I have hinted at this situation in the past two or three posts but I am once again in a pickle. Yes, a pickle. I don't know how I get myself in these pickles. Sometimes I look around and see other girls in happy, healthy relationships and wonder to myself, "How does that happen?" My friend Maria is one of these girls. She's had her fair share of bad situations but at least for the moment she is in a healthy, stress-free relationship with a guy she really likes. I don't even know how such relationships come about.
Right now, I am in just about the opposite of a healthy situation. I always end up in this sort of place and I can't help but wonder what I'm doing wrong. It's not even that i want a boyfriend because I'm happy to be single and I certainly don't think I need a boyfriend to make my life complete. But it sucks to be in my situation.
I like this guy. He has a girlfriend.
It's a confusing situation because it's not like I'm in love with this guy from afar. We're friends. We live in the same dorm. We're in the same Public Policy class. And we've hooked up several times.
At first he was the one pursuing me and I tried to keep my distance because he had a girlfriend. Then, I gave in. I started to like him. He made me like him. We became friends and he made me like him. He's a really good guy. We're compatible. But he has a girlfriend.
And now he's friendzoned me and gone home to visit his girlfriend for the weekend. Just in case I was wondering. He chose his girlfriend.
But I still like him and it sucks.
Valentines Day is coming up and I've never felt more aware of my single status. I'm not even close to being in a healthy relationship. I'm cursed.
Part 2
There's no seque. Just a jump cut.
I'm thinking of transferring.
I have my friends here and it's not like I hate it here or anything. But I'm not sure if it's the right place for me. I might want to go in a different direction academically and I also think that this environment isn't the best place for me. The application process is stressful because I'm doing everything on my own. I have 3 weeks to get everything done.
I'm not sure if I definitely want to switch schools and start all over but I want to keep my options open.
Part 3
Three Good Things
1. Beach House. I just discovered this band and they're from Baltimore! I love finding bands from Baltimore. The local music scene in Baltimore is just starting to grow (ex. Animal Collective) and I'm excited to be hearing new things. Beach House is a lo-fi, dreamy indie pop sort of music. I like it a lot.
2. My eye infection has gone away and I am healthy for once. Since my last update I was attacked by a severe eye infection. I didn't go to class on Thursday (actually, I didn't leave my bed except to stumble down to health services). I have been sick nonstop since November and now I finally feel healthy again. I had almost forgotten what it felt like not to be miserably sick all the time.
3. My sister. Sometimes I get busy and distracted and forget to call Carlee for a few weeks. Now that we live in separate states and she has a job and I have school, it's easy to let too much time go by between phone calls. But then when we do get to talk I'm reminded of how awesome my sister is. We aren't super close but it's nice to have a big sister you can talk to and who can give you advice. She's 5 years older than me so she's older and wiser but can still relate to my life.
That's all for now.
*Title:
Monday, February 1, 2010
Looking for Positive
My life sucks.
I speak those words more than any one human being ever should. I've allowed those three negative little words define my life and when I'm not speaking them I am thinking them. It's my manta. Mylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucks.
The past few weeks have been especially hard. The drama of my last post was resolved positively but somehow I find myself dejected and alone once again as I've fallen again for a guy who doesn't care. This time it is harder because I had convinced myself I wouldn't let this happen and I knew I couldn't let myself get attached going in...but here I am again and it feels just as bad as it always does. And I've just let the negative take over my life.
I would like to change this. I am an inherently pessimistic person. I was born with a scowl on my face, or as my Sicilian family calls it, a fungia face. The glass is perpetually half empty. I have trouble even imagining the glass half full. I focus on every little bad thing not just in my own life but in the world. It's depressing. And honestly it's exhausting.
I don't necessarily want to be this way but it's the way I am. I have to struggle to be happy. I have to struggle to see the positive things in life. But now I am going to make an effort to change. I am going to look for the positive. Just like the 5AG, I am going to try and find the awesome things in life as opposed to just the notsome things. And I'm going to write about it here.
My new rule for this blog is that for every update I must post 3 Good Things. The rest of the blog can be about anything I feel like talking about, even about the suckiness of my life, but there must be 3 Good Things listed at the end.
Let's start.
3 Good Things:
1. Drinking coffee and listening to the song It's a Wonderful Life by Sparklehorse while I walked to class in the snow this morning. Campus was quiet, only a few people with 8 AM classes walking the pathways. I was bundled and comfortable in the cold. The snow was falling gently, in pretty flakes that drifted softly to the ground and hushed the morning in a mystical calm.
2. My hair today is straight and pretty. I took the time to blow dry it out last night so that it is full of volume and then I ran the straightener through it to make it soft and shiny. It feels so soft. Having a good hair day takes the edge off a bad day.
3. My Shakespeare class. I enjoy the reading and the discussion. My professor is a young woman in her first semester here at Syracuse and she is extremely intelligent. Some people don't like reading Shakespeare because of the language but I can read it easily. It's refreshing to actually enjoy my first class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Maybe they are three stupid things but they're all I could come up with. I hope this gets easier with time because coming up with 3 Good Things in my day just took me half an hour. I guess I just need to keep practicing. I spend all day dwelling on negative things so it'll be good to at least take some time every few days to focus on a few good things.
I speak those words more than any one human being ever should. I've allowed those three negative little words define my life and when I'm not speaking them I am thinking them. It's my manta. Mylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucksmylifesucks.
The past few weeks have been especially hard. The drama of my last post was resolved positively but somehow I find myself dejected and alone once again as I've fallen again for a guy who doesn't care. This time it is harder because I had convinced myself I wouldn't let this happen and I knew I couldn't let myself get attached going in...but here I am again and it feels just as bad as it always does. And I've just let the negative take over my life.
I would like to change this. I am an inherently pessimistic person. I was born with a scowl on my face, or as my Sicilian family calls it, a fungia face. The glass is perpetually half empty. I have trouble even imagining the glass half full. I focus on every little bad thing not just in my own life but in the world. It's depressing. And honestly it's exhausting.
I don't necessarily want to be this way but it's the way I am. I have to struggle to be happy. I have to struggle to see the positive things in life. But now I am going to make an effort to change. I am going to look for the positive. Just like the 5AG, I am going to try and find the awesome things in life as opposed to just the notsome things. And I'm going to write about it here.
My new rule for this blog is that for every update I must post 3 Good Things. The rest of the blog can be about anything I feel like talking about, even about the suckiness of my life, but there must be 3 Good Things listed at the end.
Let's start.
3 Good Things:
1. Drinking coffee and listening to the song It's a Wonderful Life by Sparklehorse while I walked to class in the snow this morning. Campus was quiet, only a few people with 8 AM classes walking the pathways. I was bundled and comfortable in the cold. The snow was falling gently, in pretty flakes that drifted softly to the ground and hushed the morning in a mystical calm.
2. My hair today is straight and pretty. I took the time to blow dry it out last night so that it is full of volume and then I ran the straightener through it to make it soft and shiny. It feels so soft. Having a good hair day takes the edge off a bad day.
3. My Shakespeare class. I enjoy the reading and the discussion. My professor is a young woman in her first semester here at Syracuse and she is extremely intelligent. Some people don't like reading Shakespeare because of the language but I can read it easily. It's refreshing to actually enjoy my first class on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
Maybe they are three stupid things but they're all I could come up with. I hope this gets easier with time because coming up with 3 Good Things in my day just took me half an hour. I guess I just need to keep practicing. I spend all day dwelling on negative things so it'll be good to at least take some time every few days to focus on a few good things.
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