Last night I spent the night with Shakespeare. It was just Will and I, up until the early hours of the morning, enjoying each other's company. I had a term paper draft to write that I had actually written early for once but then I decided yesterday that I wanted to rewrite the whole thing. So last night I started from scratch. I reread Othello in its entirety and watched this video multiple times:
"Somehow your handkerchief ended up at Cassio's place and now Othello think your fingers have been all over Cassio's keyboard so we gotta go!"
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Re: Depression, etc.
The amazing Hayley G. Hoover wrote up an amazing blog post yesterday and it served two purposes for me. First, it was on a topic very significant in my life. And second, it reminded me that it's still April and I need to keep blogging even though I've already lost the challenge.
Hayley's blog was about depression. I've already written several personal blog posts this month about my own struggle. I wasn't planning on writing another one but when I read Hayley's blog, it reminded me of something that happened recently that was really meaningful.
The thing about my depression is that even though I don't write about it a lot on my blog, it is something I deal with virtually every day. Some days it's harder than others. I wake up and I just have to try so hard to be happy. With depression, I have to try to be happy. I try so hard. And sometimes by the end of the day I just give up.
It's an odd thing to describe without sounding melodramatic but sometimes at the end of the day I just give up trying to be happy. That's the point where I normally have to distract myself with something, keep my mind occupied. Or I go find people to be with, not necessarily to confide in but just to be around. Being alone is dangerous for me.
Well, on Friday night I was feeling worn out. It was just one of those times that I couldn't try to be happy anymore and just had to give up. I should have gone and found a friend or found something to cheer myself up but even that was too much. At these moments I've found two things that help. I can play the piano or I can write. I have no piano at school and so instead I just started to write. It helps a lot to write, to put feelings into words, but at first it just makes it all feel much more real and raw. That's where I was when my phone rang.
Now, I don't know exactly what I believe in. I consider myself an agnostic. I don't know how I feel about religion but sometimes I have to acknowledge that maybe there is a greater power. Because sometimes you get a phone call at the very moment when you need it the most and you have to think that someone or something, God or your guardian angel or just the universe, was looking out for you.
I think something told Jocelyn that I needed her at that moment. She said she didn't have any particular reason to call except that she loved me and wanted to make sure I had a good day. She didn't know I was alone and struggling. I think somehow God or whatever power is in the universe knew I needed my best friend more than ever at that moment.
When I answered the phone, just the sound of my best friend's voice brought tears to my eyes. Jocelyn knew right away something was wrong and she knows enough about my depression to recognize it just from how I sighed and stuttered when she asked what was up.
"Are you feeling sad and you can't get happy again?" she asked. And that's exactly what it is. When I fall into a depressive state I just feel overwhelmingly sad and I feel like I'll never be happy again.
Then, Jocie said the one thing that I needed hear more than anything else in the world."Well, you know I love you, right?"
And even though it's hard having my best friend two hundred miles away, sometimes Godorwhatever just makes sure she's there for me when I need her the most. I know it's hard for my friends and it's something that plagues me as I struggle with my depression. I've listened to Jocie and Julia cry (even sometimes yell at me) and tell me that I was breaking their hearts. They want me to be happy. They want to help me. But all they can do is love me. That's how I get through my depression. My friends save me even when I think I'm beyond saving.
When Jocie called on Friday night, she saved me just by loving me.
Hayley's blog was about depression. I've already written several personal blog posts this month about my own struggle. I wasn't planning on writing another one but when I read Hayley's blog, it reminded me of something that happened recently that was really meaningful.
The thing about my depression is that even though I don't write about it a lot on my blog, it is something I deal with virtually every day. Some days it's harder than others. I wake up and I just have to try so hard to be happy. With depression, I have to try to be happy. I try so hard. And sometimes by the end of the day I just give up.
It's an odd thing to describe without sounding melodramatic but sometimes at the end of the day I just give up trying to be happy. That's the point where I normally have to distract myself with something, keep my mind occupied. Or I go find people to be with, not necessarily to confide in but just to be around. Being alone is dangerous for me.
Well, on Friday night I was feeling worn out. It was just one of those times that I couldn't try to be happy anymore and just had to give up. I should have gone and found a friend or found something to cheer myself up but even that was too much. At these moments I've found two things that help. I can play the piano or I can write. I have no piano at school and so instead I just started to write. It helps a lot to write, to put feelings into words, but at first it just makes it all feel much more real and raw. That's where I was when my phone rang.
Now, I don't know exactly what I believe in. I consider myself an agnostic. I don't know how I feel about religion but sometimes I have to acknowledge that maybe there is a greater power. Because sometimes you get a phone call at the very moment when you need it the most and you have to think that someone or something, God or your guardian angel or just the universe, was looking out for you.
I think something told Jocelyn that I needed her at that moment. She said she didn't have any particular reason to call except that she loved me and wanted to make sure I had a good day. She didn't know I was alone and struggling. I think somehow God or whatever power is in the universe knew I needed my best friend more than ever at that moment.
When I answered the phone, just the sound of my best friend's voice brought tears to my eyes. Jocelyn knew right away something was wrong and she knows enough about my depression to recognize it just from how I sighed and stuttered when she asked what was up.
"Are you feeling sad and you can't get happy again?" she asked. And that's exactly what it is. When I fall into a depressive state I just feel overwhelmingly sad and I feel like I'll never be happy again.
Then, Jocie said the one thing that I needed hear more than anything else in the world."Well, you know I love you, right?"
And even though it's hard having my best friend two hundred miles away, sometimes Godorwhatever just makes sure she's there for me when I need her the most. I know it's hard for my friends and it's something that plagues me as I struggle with my depression. I've listened to Jocie and Julia cry (even sometimes yell at me) and tell me that I was breaking their hearts. They want me to be happy. They want to help me. But all they can do is love me. That's how I get through my depression. My friends save me even when I think I'm beyond saving.
When Jocie called on Friday night, she saved me just by loving me.
Monday, April 19, 2010
A Weekend.
I have now realized that missing one day of blogging just leads to missing several. In all honesty, however, I have been sick these past two days. Lack of sleep is finally catching up with me. Apparently, even college students need to sleep occassionally.
I suppose a recap of my weekend is needed...
Thursday night: jello shots, drunk
Friday night: jello shots and rum, drunk
Saturday night: vodka, drunk
There were activities to go along with the beverages. Parties, dancing, hookingupwiththatguy. Overall, it was a good weekend.
There were also sober activities during the day such as a trip to the mall (very successful), smoking, stealing a huge bag of popcorn from the dining hall. My friends and I are quickly becoming known as those weird girls from the 7th floor...but we don't care.
Now I need to take some meds, go to sleep, and hopefully tomorrow I will be rested and recuperated enough to partake in a certain holiday's activities.
I suppose a recap of my weekend is needed...
Thursday night: jello shots, drunk
Friday night: jello shots and rum, drunk
Saturday night: vodka, drunk
There were activities to go along with the beverages. Parties, dancing, hookingupwiththatguy. Overall, it was a good weekend.
There were also sober activities during the day such as a trip to the mall (very successful), smoking, stealing a huge bag of popcorn from the dining hall. My friends and I are quickly becoming known as those weird girls from the 7th floor...but we don't care.
Now I need to take some meds, go to sleep, and hopefully tomorrow I will be rested and recuperated enough to partake in a certain holiday's activities.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Failure
I didn't blog yesterday....and this is about all I will be blogging today.
Obviously I am a failur. Here is the song that is stuck in my head:
Obviously I am a failur. Here is the song that is stuck in my head:
Thursday, April 15, 2010
HUGS
I've been thinking a lot about whether or not anyone can actually help people in this world. I just wrote up a blog post including a page from my private journal but I don't think I can post it.* Suffice it to say, I've been struggling with my conflicted feelings over not being able to help my friends even as I don't let my friends help me.
Instead of grappling with that issue I'm going to focus my attention elsewhere. Specifically, HUGS.
I am not a touchy-feely person. I am not really a HUGS person. I'm sure this is deeply rooted in the psychological damage caused by may parents' emotional detachment** but I am just not comfortable with haphazard hugs.
I am not against all hugs. I hug my close friends all the time. I love a good hug from one of my girls. But I am just not a HUGGY person. Some people are just HUGGY. Like Sam and Julia. Very HUGGY. They hug everyone. They put down their trays in the dining hall to give huge, enthusiastic hugs. They hug everyone.
They are also be cuddlers and it's the same situation for me. I like to snuggle but only with whom people I'm really comfortable. I love to snuggle with my best friends but I'm not one of those people always cuddling with everyone.
I think it's because I'm more reserved. I don't mean I'm a shy person. I just mean that it takes a lot to get to know me. I'm easy to be friends with but I'm hard to get to know. It's a defense mechanism. I can't just be one of those girls who runs down the hall to give hugs to everyone even my friends. I'm not one of those girls who tells everyone "I love you!" *kisses!*
Once I get to that level with my friends it means something.*** Just because I don't run around telling everyone I love them and giving crazy hugs doesn't mean I'm cold and heartless. Just because Sarah and Maria run around hugging and snuggling with everyone doesn't mean that they are better friends. A lot of it is fake. When I give a HUG (all caps), it's real.
*It delved a little too deeply into my depression, which is something I prefer to deal with privately.
**Is it weird that I honestly can't let my parents touch me? And that sounds more cryptic than it is. I mean I can't sit too close to my parents on the couch and stuff like that. My dad likes to come up and just grab me affectionately but I always jump away. I physically cannot let my parents near me and yet all I want is for my parents to be emotionally closer. Just another issue to talk to the therapist about.
***Even with guys, it's this way. I'll admit that I am perfectly fine having sex with someone with whom I'm not that close (I know I shouldn't admit that and it's not like I'm a slut or anything but I have a sex life) but for me to actually be comfortable enough to be touchy-feely and affectionate takes a lot more.
Instead of grappling with that issue I'm going to focus my attention elsewhere. Specifically, HUGS.
I am not a touchy-feely person. I am not really a HUGS person. I'm sure this is deeply rooted in the psychological damage caused by may parents' emotional detachment** but I am just not comfortable with haphazard hugs.
I am not against all hugs. I hug my close friends all the time. I love a good hug from one of my girls. But I am just not a HUGGY person. Some people are just HUGGY. Like Sam and Julia. Very HUGGY. They hug everyone. They put down their trays in the dining hall to give huge, enthusiastic hugs. They hug everyone.
They are also be cuddlers and it's the same situation for me. I like to snuggle but only with whom people I'm really comfortable. I love to snuggle with my best friends but I'm not one of those people always cuddling with everyone.
I think it's because I'm more reserved. I don't mean I'm a shy person. I just mean that it takes a lot to get to know me. I'm easy to be friends with but I'm hard to get to know. It's a defense mechanism. I can't just be one of those girls who runs down the hall to give hugs to everyone even my friends. I'm not one of those girls who tells everyone "I love you!" *kisses!*
Once I get to that level with my friends it means something.*** Just because I don't run around telling everyone I love them and giving crazy hugs doesn't mean I'm cold and heartless. Just because Sarah and Maria run around hugging and snuggling with everyone doesn't mean that they are better friends. A lot of it is fake. When I give a HUG (all caps), it's real.
*It delved a little too deeply into my depression, which is something I prefer to deal with privately.
**Is it weird that I honestly can't let my parents touch me? And that sounds more cryptic than it is. I mean I can't sit too close to my parents on the couch and stuff like that. My dad likes to come up and just grab me affectionately but I always jump away. I physically cannot let my parents near me and yet all I want is for my parents to be emotionally closer. Just another issue to talk to the therapist about.
***Even with guys, it's this way. I'll admit that I am perfectly fine having sex with someone with whom I'm not that close (I know I shouldn't admit that and it's not like I'm a slut or anything but I have a sex life) but for me to actually be comfortable enough to be touchy-feely and affectionate takes a lot more.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Hi, My Name is Pip and I'm a Music Snob
Another sunny day in Syracuse. I could get used to this weather.
I don't really have anything to blog about today. I made a mixtape yesterday so I think I'll just share that. For once this mix isn't made up of folk songs, indie bands, classical piano pieces, or acoustic melodies. This time I went for my favorite hip hip and mashup songs of the season. I've always been a music snob* and I didn't listen to much hip hop because I thought it was all mainstream crap only acceptable for school dances and ragers**. But I have a few good friends at college who have turned me onto good hip hop and rap. I've gotten into house music and dubstep a lot lately but this mix doesn't feature much.
All of this is just to say that here are the songs I've been listening to. They just happen to be rap and hip hop.
Pip's Spring 2010 Mixtape
1. Let's Get Fucked Up - Start Trouble
2. Driving Me Crazy - Sam Adams
3. No Man's Land - B.o.B aka Bobby Ray
4. I Be High - Kid Cudi
5. Name on a Cloud/Wassup - Wiz Khalifa
6. Lemonade - Gucci Mane
7. The Nosebleed Section - Hilltop Hoods
8. Up, Up & Away (the Wake & Bake Song) - Kid Cudi
9. Chillin - Wale ft. Lady Gaga
10. I Hate College - Sam Adams
11. Opposite of Adults (MGMT remix) - Chiddy Bang vs. Passion Pit
12. United States of Pop 2009 - DJ Earworm
13. I Feed These Streets - B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray
14. What You Know about Little Secrets (The White Panda remix) - T. I. vs. Passion Pit
15. Stuntin Like Mufasa - Lil Wayne vs. Lion King
16. I Get Around - Tupac
17. Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner
18. Memories - David Guetta ft. Kid Cudi
19. Nothin' on You - B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray
20. Eenie Meenie - Justin Bieber ft. Sean Kingston
21. Heads Will Roll (Yeah Yeah Yeahs remix) - Sam Adams
22. I Want You D.A.N.C.E. - Jackson 5 vs. Justice
23. Pursuit of Happiness - Kid Cudi
24. Office Musik (The Office remix) - Lil Wayne
25. Pretty Girls - Wale ft. Gucci Mane
26. Tipsy in the Sun (The White Panda remix) - Weezer vs. J Kwon
27. One of These Days - Wu Tang Clan
28. Man on the Moon - Kid Cudi
Also, I just downloaded the Local Natives album. Very springtime. I'm just overdosing on good music right now.
*Friend: What are you listening to?
Me (with a smirk): Oh, you've never heard of them.
**Yes, ragers. I've already explained. I'M A TOOL. Also, exception to the ragers rule: I've actually been into house music and classics like Tupac and Biggie for a while, even outside of ragers. This mix is a testament to new hip hop and rap that I have discovered.
I don't really have anything to blog about today. I made a mixtape yesterday so I think I'll just share that. For once this mix isn't made up of folk songs, indie bands, classical piano pieces, or acoustic melodies. This time I went for my favorite hip hip and mashup songs of the season. I've always been a music snob* and I didn't listen to much hip hop because I thought it was all mainstream crap only acceptable for school dances and ragers**. But I have a few good friends at college who have turned me onto good hip hop and rap. I've gotten into house music and dubstep a lot lately but this mix doesn't feature much.
All of this is just to say that here are the songs I've been listening to. They just happen to be rap and hip hop.
Pip's Spring 2010 Mixtape
1. Let's Get Fucked Up - Start Trouble
2. Driving Me Crazy - Sam Adams
3. No Man's Land - B.o.B aka Bobby Ray
4. I Be High - Kid Cudi
5. Name on a Cloud/Wassup - Wiz Khalifa
6. Lemonade - Gucci Mane
7. The Nosebleed Section - Hilltop Hoods
8. Up, Up & Away (the Wake & Bake Song) - Kid Cudi
9. Chillin - Wale ft. Lady Gaga
10. I Hate College - Sam Adams
11. Opposite of Adults (MGMT remix) - Chiddy Bang vs. Passion Pit
12. United States of Pop 2009 - DJ Earworm
13. I Feed These Streets - B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray
14. What You Know about Little Secrets (The White Panda remix) - T. I. vs. Passion Pit
15. Stuntin Like Mufasa - Lil Wayne vs. Lion King
16. I Get Around - Tupac
17. Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner
18. Memories - David Guetta ft. Kid Cudi
19. Nothin' on You - B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray
20. Eenie Meenie - Justin Bieber ft. Sean Kingston
21. Heads Will Roll (Yeah Yeah Yeahs remix) - Sam Adams
22. I Want You D.A.N.C.E. - Jackson 5 vs. Justice
23. Pursuit of Happiness - Kid Cudi
24. Office Musik (The Office remix) - Lil Wayne
25. Pretty Girls - Wale ft. Gucci Mane
26. Tipsy in the Sun (The White Panda remix) - Weezer vs. J Kwon
27. One of These Days - Wu Tang Clan
28. Man on the Moon - Kid Cudi
Also, I just downloaded the Local Natives album. Very springtime. I'm just overdosing on good music right now.
*Friend: What are you listening to?
Me (with a smirk): Oh, you've never heard of them.
**Yes, ragers. I've already explained. I'M A TOOL. Also, exception to the ragers rule: I've actually been into house music and classics like Tupac and Biggie for a while, even outside of ragers. This mix is a testament to new hip hop and rap that I have discovered.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Oh, Yeah...I Forgot.
Reminder: Guys are dicks.
Sometimes you forget this. Sometimes a guy helps you drunkenly walk in your heels and gives you a piggy back when you're feet hurt too much. Sometimes you snuggle with a guy and it's just cute. Sometimes you forget. But then something happens and you remember. Oh, yeah. Guys are dicks.
For once, I was not the direct recipient of the reminder. My friend just came into my room speechless and handed me her phone. The guy she had been hooking up with had just texted her. I won't go into details but guys are dicks.
To make up for stupid boys, day, here are some good songs:
"This life is a party. I'm never growing up."
"And in the midst of everything, I drown. As the sky above comes crashing down."
Sometimes you forget this. Sometimes a guy helps you drunkenly walk in your heels and gives you a piggy back when you're feet hurt too much. Sometimes you snuggle with a guy and it's just cute. Sometimes you forget. But then something happens and you remember. Oh, yeah. Guys are dicks.
For once, I was not the direct recipient of the reminder. My friend just came into my room speechless and handed me her phone. The guy she had been hooking up with had just texted her. I won't go into details but guys are dicks.
To make up for stupid boys, day, here are some good songs:
"This life is a party. I'm never growing up."
"And in the midst of everything, I drown. As the sky above comes crashing down."
Monday, April 12, 2010
Self Control and Surprises
Sun is out. I'm drinking my favorite iced tea* and listening to Vampire Weekend, two of my favorite summer things. I am finished my work at least for the next few days. I have time to write a proper blog. And I can finally sit down and read a good book and not just any good book, today I am finally getting around to reading Will Grayson, Will Grayson, which has been sitting on my desk mocking me for the past three days. I am honestly surprised at my self-control.
Speaking of self control** it was the theme of the weekend.
First, I lost control*** but then I spent the rest of the weekend trying to regain as much of it as I could. Most of my weekend has been consumed with my effort to quit smoking. It has not been easy. Sometimes it's not so bad. During the day I distract myself and know that I wouldn't have been smoking anyway. But at night when we went out, especially on Saturday night, everyone around me was smoking and I love nothing more than smoking when drinking. I've been known to smoke half a pack on a night out. That's when I knew it was time to quit.
I haven't had a cigarette since Thursday night. My years of unhealthy self control is finally coming in handy.****
This weekend had several surprises - a surprise mental breakdown, a surprise birthday party, surprise snow flurries then surprise sunshine, and a surprise hook up.
I suppose the build up to this surprise hook up started two months ago when I randomly hooked up with this same guy on the dance floor. I didn't think anything of it until this weekend when the guy suddenly reappeared in my life. Our friends were all friends and so suddenly this random guy I kissed on the dance floor two months ago was part of my Syracuse family.***** Turns out he's a pretty cool guy.
Well, Saturday night I ended up watching a movie in his room and spending the night.****** Not a bad end to the weekend, I guess.
*Lipton Pureleaf Lemon.
**I am just that good. That segue was mad ill and I didn't even try.
***See previous post.
****Another post for another time. Let's just say I learned it from my all girls school background.
*****As we call it, but now I realize that this has incestuous implications....
******Not exactly to the extent that implies. Sometimes it's just nice to snuggle up with a guy, kiss a little bit, and then fall asleep in his arms.
Speaking of self control** it was the theme of the weekend.
First, I lost control*** but then I spent the rest of the weekend trying to regain as much of it as I could. Most of my weekend has been consumed with my effort to quit smoking. It has not been easy. Sometimes it's not so bad. During the day I distract myself and know that I wouldn't have been smoking anyway. But at night when we went out, especially on Saturday night, everyone around me was smoking and I love nothing more than smoking when drinking. I've been known to smoke half a pack on a night out. That's when I knew it was time to quit.
I haven't had a cigarette since Thursday night. My years of unhealthy self control is finally coming in handy.****
This weekend had several surprises - a surprise mental breakdown, a surprise birthday party, surprise snow flurries then surprise sunshine, and a surprise hook up.
I suppose the build up to this surprise hook up started two months ago when I randomly hooked up with this same guy on the dance floor. I didn't think anything of it until this weekend when the guy suddenly reappeared in my life. Our friends were all friends and so suddenly this random guy I kissed on the dance floor two months ago was part of my Syracuse family.***** Turns out he's a pretty cool guy.
Well, Saturday night I ended up watching a movie in his room and spending the night.****** Not a bad end to the weekend, I guess.
*Lipton Pureleaf Lemon.
**I am just that good. That segue was mad ill and I didn't even try.
***See previous post.
****Another post for another time. Let's just say I learned it from my all girls school background.
*****As we call it, but now I realize that this has incestuous implications....
******Not exactly to the extent that implies. Sometimes it's just nice to snuggle up with a guy, kiss a little bit, and then fall asleep in his arms.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Not Outside
Today I have more than five minutes to write this blog. I am sitting on my bed and the window is open letting in sunlight and a light spring breeze. I can hear the voices of my friends down below on the lawn carried up seven floors by the aforementioned breeze. It is a relaxing moment right now. Part of me wishes I could be outside with my friends, sharing their laughter*, and soaking in the rare Syracuse sunshine.
But there are two reasons I cannot be out there with my friends. First, I slept in my contacts last night, which has left my eyes so dry that the direct sunlight is painful. Luckily, I still have my eye drops from my horrid eye infections of February and March**. I am wearing my new, nerdy-but-cute*** glasses and hopefully my eyes will feel better after a few days.
The second reason I am not outside with my friends right now is because I have an entire module to do this afternoon, start to finish.
I am determined to finish my work fairly early. I have great motivation. John Green and David Levithan's new book Will Grayson, Will Grayson came in the mail yesterday. It is sitting on my desk just begging to be read.
I feel like I should record the past few days. I started to write up a full blog post about Friday night but didn't have time to follow through. Today, however, I will not take the easy way out.
Weekends in college mean alcohol. This weekend meant alcohol, good friends, and Gautam's birthday. ****
It was a memorable weekend. I don't feel like I can recount most of it because basically it was all the same--hanging out with friends. There were some moments that stood out, however.
My post on Friday explained briefly my history with depression. I ended the post with a quip about drinking away my feelings. Well, I should have known better. I'm not new to dealing with depression. I should have known that I was due for an emotional breakdown. This one occured in the bathroom at 1 AM. I ended up crying to Julia, "I don't want to go to a mental hospital. I don't want to be like Johnny."
There's something about alcohol that brings the most deeply hidden secrets to the surface, the secrets that you don't even admit to yourself because they are so scary. Anyone who has depression knows the secrets to which I am referring.
Julia and I were crying in the hallway. Our friends were in Gautam's room drinking champagne and cheering for his birthday. Then, we heard shattering glass and saw Keeling crash through the glass doors at the end of the hallway. My glass had shattered and I am still reeling.
Tomorrow, I will tell the other part of my weekend.
*There is an inordinate amount of laughter as they ate shrooms and are enjoying their trips.
**Two months. Five eye infections.
***Not too hipster or anything. They have black frames and definitely look nerdy but they aren't hipster glasses. I admit that I am definitely a hipster in many ways but I don't like to just conform to the image.
****Did not know I had this old Nelly Fortado song on my iTunes. All Good Things.
But there are two reasons I cannot be out there with my friends. First, I slept in my contacts last night, which has left my eyes so dry that the direct sunlight is painful. Luckily, I still have my eye drops from my horrid eye infections of February and March**. I am wearing my new, nerdy-but-cute*** glasses and hopefully my eyes will feel better after a few days.
The second reason I am not outside with my friends right now is because I have an entire module to do this afternoon, start to finish.
I am determined to finish my work fairly early. I have great motivation. John Green and David Levithan's new book Will Grayson, Will Grayson came in the mail yesterday. It is sitting on my desk just begging to be read.
I feel like I should record the past few days. I started to write up a full blog post about Friday night but didn't have time to follow through. Today, however, I will not take the easy way out.
Weekends in college mean alcohol. This weekend meant alcohol, good friends, and Gautam's birthday. ****
It was a memorable weekend. I don't feel like I can recount most of it because basically it was all the same--hanging out with friends. There were some moments that stood out, however.
My post on Friday explained briefly my history with depression. I ended the post with a quip about drinking away my feelings. Well, I should have known better. I'm not new to dealing with depression. I should have known that I was due for an emotional breakdown. This one occured in the bathroom at 1 AM. I ended up crying to Julia, "I don't want to go to a mental hospital. I don't want to be like Johnny."
There's something about alcohol that brings the most deeply hidden secrets to the surface, the secrets that you don't even admit to yourself because they are so scary. Anyone who has depression knows the secrets to which I am referring.
Julia and I were crying in the hallway. Our friends were in Gautam's room drinking champagne and cheering for his birthday. Then, we heard shattering glass and saw Keeling crash through the glass doors at the end of the hallway. My glass had shattered and I am still reeling.
Tomorrow, I will tell the other part of my weekend.
*There is an inordinate amount of laughter as they ate shrooms and are enjoying their trips.
**Two months. Five eye infections.
***Not too hipster or anything. They have black frames and definitely look nerdy but they aren't hipster glasses. I admit that I am definitely a hipster in many ways but I don't like to just conform to the image.
****Did not know I had this old Nelly Fortado song on my iTunes. All Good Things.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Check In
Just checking in. I can't really write a real post right now but I will at least post something.
Here is what I am listening to:
Here is what I am listening to:
Friday, April 9, 2010
Waiting for Laundry
Some days you just don't want to blog. Some days you just don't want to write. If you want to be a writer, however, you have to power through. And so here I am, signing in.
I know I am trying to make these blog posts more cohesive, more narrative, and more valuable as writing practice. But today I need an old-fashioned, introspective, rambling post.
Today was one of those days that passed by without anything blog-worthy or blog-appropriate.* We went to the mall around 5 o'clock and that's when it hit me.
I don't write about this much but I struggle with depression. I've never been on medication but it's something that I work through daily. But then there are sometimes that it becomes a more present problem instead of something I just learn to live with. It comes on quickly. Like today, I was just walking through the mall when I began to feel overwhelmed.
My friends are coming to get ready to go out. I need to be happy and strong for them but it's hard for me right now. I know it's wrong to drink away your problems but at least for tonight I'm trying to feel better.
Tomorrow, hopefully I will be able to write a proper blog post. Right now I'm just checking in and checking out.
*I don't mean anything scandalous. I am usually very open in this blog about my less than honorable activities.
I know I am trying to make these blog posts more cohesive, more narrative, and more valuable as writing practice. But today I need an old-fashioned, introspective, rambling post.
Today was one of those days that passed by without anything blog-worthy or blog-appropriate.* We went to the mall around 5 o'clock and that's when it hit me.
I don't write about this much but I struggle with depression. I've never been on medication but it's something that I work through daily. But then there are sometimes that it becomes a more present problem instead of something I just learn to live with. It comes on quickly. Like today, I was just walking through the mall when I began to feel overwhelmed.
My friends are coming to get ready to go out. I need to be happy and strong for them but it's hard for me right now. I know it's wrong to drink away your problems but at least for tonight I'm trying to feel better.
Tomorrow, hopefully I will be able to write a proper blog post. Right now I'm just checking in and checking out.
*I don't mean anything scandalous. I am usually very open in this blog about my less than honorable activities.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Fuck Neoliberal Creative Destruction. This Is B-More, Bitches!
I just handed in a paper entitled "Baltimore: The Killing Streets of Neoliberal Creative Destruction." I was seriously tempted to use these other titles:
and, my favorite:
There is nothing in the assignment guidelines that discourages using the word "fuck" in a term paper but I chickened out at the last minute. I could explain what neoliberal creative destruction is but I would personally never like to think about it again so I refuse.
When I signed up for a geography class this semester I thought I would get to memorize the globe again. I am very good at memorization. It is one of the reasons I always do so well in history classes. I can memorize names and dates in a flash. So, I thought this class would be right up my alley. I'm interested in different countries and I'm good at memorization. A geography course is the perfect fit, right?
Nope. Now, I'm writing papers about neoliberal creative destruction and agglomeration economies. The saving grace for the course is that we can pick any city to analyze for our papers. I always choose Baltimore, my hometown and my love. I have learned a lot about my hometown this semester. For my Public Policy class we have to analyze current societal problems and public policies and we can choose any geographic location. Guess what city I always choose. By the end of the semester I will have written a total of 7 papers on Baltimore. Maybe I should get a job with the mayor's office...
- Baltimore: A Story of Neoliberal Creative Destruction and General Bad Ass-ery
- Baltimore: The Killing Streets of Neoliberal Creative Destruction (and Gangs!)
and, my favorite:
- Baltimore: Fuck Neoliberal Creative Destruction. This is B-More, Bitches!
There is nothing in the assignment guidelines that discourages using the word "fuck" in a term paper but I chickened out at the last minute. I could explain what neoliberal creative destruction is but I would personally never like to think about it again so I refuse.
When I signed up for a geography class this semester I thought I would get to memorize the globe again. I am very good at memorization. It is one of the reasons I always do so well in history classes. I can memorize names and dates in a flash. So, I thought this class would be right up my alley. I'm interested in different countries and I'm good at memorization. A geography course is the perfect fit, right?
Nope. Now, I'm writing papers about neoliberal creative destruction and agglomeration economies. The saving grace for the course is that we can pick any city to analyze for our papers. I always choose Baltimore, my hometown and my love. I have learned a lot about my hometown this semester. For my Public Policy class we have to analyze current societal problems and public policies and we can choose any geographic location. Guess what city I always choose. By the end of the semester I will have written a total of 7 papers on Baltimore. Maybe I should get a job with the mayor's office...
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
In Love with a Volcano
I had two exams this morning. Here is the story of one of those exams.
My roommate's friend Lauren just entered the room. She is in my Earth Science class and we normally sit together. It is a Rocks for Jocks course,* an easy A. Well, it would be an easy A if you 1) had any interest in rocks, or 2) were even slightly competent in anything relating to science. I do not fit either of those qualifications. I hate rocks and I am not just lousy at science, I am terrible, atrocious, beastly, cursed, horrid, abominable, DREADFUL.
As if that weren't enough. This is the conversation that just took place.
Me: What did you think of the test?
Lauren: *shrug* Eh.
Me: I thought it was awful. I didn't know anything about the different types of volcanoes. It didn't say we needed to know the different types of volcanoes on the study guide!
Lauren: Yes, it did.
Me: Oh.
Lauren and My Rommate: *hysterical laughter*
I laughed along with them but inside I was seething, at myself mainly but also at my roommate, who was laughing maliciously at my stupidity but five minutes ago admitted that she forgot she had a quiz today and didn't study at all.**
Here's the thing. I honestly don't care about volcanoes. I don't care about rocks. I could have gone my whole life blissfully ignorant about such topics as plate tectonics and the lithosphere. I have never found a subject more uninteresting than geology has proven to be.
My professor, on the other hand, LOVES volcanoes. I think she would marry a volcano if she could. Every day when we come into lecture she has on either a video about volcanoes or a song about volcanoes. If I have to listen to Jimmy Buffet sing "Oh, I don't where I'm a-gonna go when the volcano blows!" one more time I might die. I didn't think it was possible for a person to love volcanoes. I mean, of all the things to love. Volcanoes? Really?
And not just volcanoes. Rocks, too. And minerals. Do you know what a basalt is? I do.
But, oh how I wish I didn't.
Today was not a good day. I woke up at 5:30 AM to finish studying. I sat in the study lounge and stared at my notes. Then, at 7 o'clock the dining hall opened. I can't eat much in the early morning or else I feel sick but I munched slowly on a bagel as I continued to stare at my notes. The dining hall was practically deserted. It was so quiet I could actually hear the newscaster on the TV. There were only a few other poor souls scattered among the tables, all with notebooks open in front of them.***
Despite the calm, I couldn't focuse. I was restless and I hadn't even had my usual three cups of extra-strong coffee.**** Later that morning, I sat in a different food court down on main campus. I had just finished my first test and had an hour and a half to study. Instead I filled a whole page of my notebook with the mantra, "I can make it through today. I can make it through this day." I just kept repeating it to myself over and over in my head. If I didn't say it to myself, if I didn't write it fifty times, I don't think I could have made it through the day.
The punchline? The day isn't over yet. I still have an 8 page paper to write. It's worth 20% of my final grade.*****
*I'm not a jock but I still suck at science, ok? Don't judge.
**Have I mentioned on here how much I hate my roommate? Oh, only about a million times. What kind of person talks shit about you with her friends when you are sitting in the room? A bitch aka my roommate. Just because you put your desk as a wall to block me out doesn't mean I can't hear you when you're on your side of the room. And it's Andy Warhol, idiot. (Did I say I wasn't going to ramble about my roommate anymore? Oops.)
***Klim, like milk spelled backwards, sat a few tables away. It brightened my morning a little bit.
****A decision I would later regret.
*****Cue the laugh track.
My roommate's friend Lauren just entered the room. She is in my Earth Science class and we normally sit together. It is a Rocks for Jocks course,* an easy A. Well, it would be an easy A if you 1) had any interest in rocks, or 2) were even slightly competent in anything relating to science. I do not fit either of those qualifications. I hate rocks and I am not just lousy at science, I am terrible, atrocious, beastly, cursed, horrid, abominable, DREADFUL.
As if that weren't enough. This is the conversation that just took place.
Me: What did you think of the test?
Lauren: *shrug* Eh.
Me: I thought it was awful. I didn't know anything about the different types of volcanoes. It didn't say we needed to know the different types of volcanoes on the study guide!
Lauren: Yes, it did.
Me: Oh.
Lauren and My Rommate: *hysterical laughter*
I laughed along with them but inside I was seething, at myself mainly but also at my roommate, who was laughing maliciously at my stupidity but five minutes ago admitted that she forgot she had a quiz today and didn't study at all.**
Here's the thing. I honestly don't care about volcanoes. I don't care about rocks. I could have gone my whole life blissfully ignorant about such topics as plate tectonics and the lithosphere. I have never found a subject more uninteresting than geology has proven to be.
My professor, on the other hand, LOVES volcanoes. I think she would marry a volcano if she could. Every day when we come into lecture she has on either a video about volcanoes or a song about volcanoes. If I have to listen to Jimmy Buffet sing "Oh, I don't where I'm a-gonna go when the volcano blows!" one more time I might die. I didn't think it was possible for a person to love volcanoes. I mean, of all the things to love. Volcanoes? Really?
And not just volcanoes. Rocks, too. And minerals. Do you know what a basalt is? I do.
But, oh how I wish I didn't.
Today was not a good day. I woke up at 5:30 AM to finish studying. I sat in the study lounge and stared at my notes. Then, at 7 o'clock the dining hall opened. I can't eat much in the early morning or else I feel sick but I munched slowly on a bagel as I continued to stare at my notes. The dining hall was practically deserted. It was so quiet I could actually hear the newscaster on the TV. There were only a few other poor souls scattered among the tables, all with notebooks open in front of them.***
Despite the calm, I couldn't focuse. I was restless and I hadn't even had my usual three cups of extra-strong coffee.**** Later that morning, I sat in a different food court down on main campus. I had just finished my first test and had an hour and a half to study. Instead I filled a whole page of my notebook with the mantra, "I can make it through today. I can make it through this day." I just kept repeating it to myself over and over in my head. If I didn't say it to myself, if I didn't write it fifty times, I don't think I could have made it through the day.
The punchline? The day isn't over yet. I still have an 8 page paper to write. It's worth 20% of my final grade.*****
*I'm not a jock but I still suck at science, ok? Don't judge.
**Have I mentioned on here how much I hate my roommate? Oh, only about a million times. What kind of person talks shit about you with her friends when you are sitting in the room? A bitch aka my roommate. Just because you put your desk as a wall to block me out doesn't mean I can't hear you when you're on your side of the room. And it's Andy Warhol, idiot. (Did I say I wasn't going to ramble about my roommate anymore? Oops.)
***Klim, like milk spelled backwards, sat a few tables away. It brightened my morning a little bit.
****A decision I would later regret.
*****Cue the laugh track.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Stealing Time and Stretching My Fingers
I feel like this month I will be stealing time to write this blog. For instance, right now I am stealing time from the two exams I need to study for. I have "an engagement"* at 7:30. It is exactly 6:35. Perfect time for blogging. I don't feel bad for taking away studying time because** I probably wouldn't have gotten much done anyway***.
I am really trying to figure out what I want this blog to be. Normally, I just ramble about anything because I know only a handful of my close friends read it and don't really need to be entertained. But I feel like BEDA calls for something more official. I feel like I should be a proper blogger, if only for a few weeks.
Ultimately, however, the real reason this blog is in existence is to stretch out my writing fingers and practice, develop my voice and learn how to create cohesive narratives. And so I am going to indulge the writing student in me and keep this month's blogs about my daily activities but hopefully I will be able to construct a narrative style for posts instead of a rambling mess.****
Chocolate Bunny
I just ate the ears off my chocolate bunny. It was delicious. My mother doesn't mess around with those deceptive hollow chocolate bunnies. She goes for the real deal. Solid chocolate.
We all have our own strategy for optimum enjoyment of our chocolate bunnies. My father takes a knife and shaves off flakes of chocolate. My brother just chomps down. I take a more calculated approach. I carefully cut the bunny into manageable chunks. The ears. The head. The neck. The torso. The butt. The feet. I eat one piece a day and extend the enjoyment for days.
Today, I volunteered in the afternoon at a local elementary school. The students come from the inner-city, mainly low-income families. Every Tuesday I help with the after school program, an enrichment program called Say Yes (to Education) that provides an extra push for students in districts with high drop-out rates. The idea is to target the young children and follow them through high school to encourage not just graduation but enrollement in college.
I sat in a circle with the seven second graders assigned my music class. Before the teacher and I started the day's lesson we asked each student to tell us about their weekend. It was Sharing Time, time to share and time to listen.
"I went to my Grandma's house. Then, I went to the hospital to see my sister's baby. She's 18 and she wants to call him Jadeson but I don't want to call him that. Then, we went back to my Grandma's house but she didn't let us have any candy," said Kiandra.
"You didn't get any candy for Easter? Not even a chocolate bunny?" I asked.
"No. My Grandma didn't make us Easter baskets. We got to play in the pool, though. And I got cake. And my brother, he found an egg in the Easter egg hunt and it had twenty bucks in it! All of my eggs just had stickers in them. Look, here's the stickers I got." She held up her book Pinkalicious, which I knew to be her favorite. She had added a border of stickers along the top.
I complimented her stickers with as much enthusiasm I could muster but it was difficult. Is there anything sadder than an 8 year old girl deprived of a chocolate bunny on Easter?
*I AM A TOOL
**Worthless excuse alert
***Who the fuck am I kidding? An hour of studying is an hour of studying. I am just lazy.
****Before I start, just a few rambling updates on my life: I signed up for an apartment for next semester, I am organizing a charity book drive this summer, and I ordered 5 books online today [John Green's newest (Will Grayson, Will Grayson with David Levithan), the first three Jessica Darling books (per recommendations from my best friend as well as the wonderful Hayley G. Hoover), and a cute book I stumbled across randomly (Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler, I read an excerpt and the first two chapters are beautifully written so I have high hopes).
I am really trying to figure out what I want this blog to be. Normally, I just ramble about anything because I know only a handful of my close friends read it and don't really need to be entertained. But I feel like BEDA calls for something more official. I feel like I should be a proper blogger, if only for a few weeks.
Ultimately, however, the real reason this blog is in existence is to stretch out my writing fingers and practice, develop my voice and learn how to create cohesive narratives. And so I am going to indulge the writing student in me and keep this month's blogs about my daily activities but hopefully I will be able to construct a narrative style for posts instead of a rambling mess.****
Chocolate Bunny
I just ate the ears off my chocolate bunny. It was delicious. My mother doesn't mess around with those deceptive hollow chocolate bunnies. She goes for the real deal. Solid chocolate.
We all have our own strategy for optimum enjoyment of our chocolate bunnies. My father takes a knife and shaves off flakes of chocolate. My brother just chomps down. I take a more calculated approach. I carefully cut the bunny into manageable chunks. The ears. The head. The neck. The torso. The butt. The feet. I eat one piece a day and extend the enjoyment for days.
Today, I volunteered in the afternoon at a local elementary school. The students come from the inner-city, mainly low-income families. Every Tuesday I help with the after school program, an enrichment program called Say Yes (to Education) that provides an extra push for students in districts with high drop-out rates. The idea is to target the young children and follow them through high school to encourage not just graduation but enrollement in college.
I sat in a circle with the seven second graders assigned my music class. Before the teacher and I started the day's lesson we asked each student to tell us about their weekend. It was Sharing Time, time to share and time to listen.
"I went to my Grandma's house. Then, I went to the hospital to see my sister's baby. She's 18 and she wants to call him Jadeson but I don't want to call him that. Then, we went back to my Grandma's house but she didn't let us have any candy," said Kiandra.
"You didn't get any candy for Easter? Not even a chocolate bunny?" I asked.
"No. My Grandma didn't make us Easter baskets. We got to play in the pool, though. And I got cake. And my brother, he found an egg in the Easter egg hunt and it had twenty bucks in it! All of my eggs just had stickers in them. Look, here's the stickers I got." She held up her book Pinkalicious, which I knew to be her favorite. She had added a border of stickers along the top.
I complimented her stickers with as much enthusiasm I could muster but it was difficult. Is there anything sadder than an 8 year old girl deprived of a chocolate bunny on Easter?
*I AM A TOOL
**Worthless excuse alert
***Who the fuck am I kidding? An hour of studying is an hour of studying. I am just lazy.
****Before I start, just a few rambling updates on my life: I signed up for an apartment for next semester, I am organizing a charity book drive this summer, and I ordered 5 books online today [John Green's newest (Will Grayson, Will Grayson with David Levithan), the first three Jessica Darling books (per recommendations from my best friend as well as the wonderful Hayley G. Hoover), and a cute book I stumbled across randomly (Twenty Boy Summer by Sarah Ockler, I read an excerpt and the first two chapters are beautifully written so I have high hopes).
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Pink Mafia
Today, I was on a bus from 8:25 AM until 6:43 PM. Technically, I was on a bus from 8:25 AM to 11:45 AM. Then, I was eating a bagel in a deli in New York City for an hour. Then, finally, I was on another bus from 1:30 PM to 6:43 PM. I was not a happy traveler. There is nothing like ten hours of traveling to make Pip grouchy.
I took a taxi from the bus station and made friends with the driver, though, so that made up for some of the traveling shit. When I pulled into the roundabout in front of my dorm, I see a group of people sitting on the stone wall outside. I have horrible eyesight, however, and couldn't make out any of the faces. I didn't need to wonder for very long, though, because before I could even get out of the car I heard two shrieks of "Pippy!"
The taxi driver must have thought I was very popular. It was perfect timing for a gigantic group hug with two of my best friends. I didn't miss school. I wasn't looking forward to coming back to Syracuse. Except for my three best friends up here. We texted constantly all weekend and they were very good at leaving me drunken Facebook videos every night. We are known as those 4 crazy girls from the 7th floor. We're constantly together and this was the first time we were apart since becoming friends this semester. There was some separation anxiety.
But now The Pink Mafia is reunited...and we started a YouTube channel. We'll see how that one turns out!
I took a taxi from the bus station and made friends with the driver, though, so that made up for some of the traveling shit. When I pulled into the roundabout in front of my dorm, I see a group of people sitting on the stone wall outside. I have horrible eyesight, however, and couldn't make out any of the faces. I didn't need to wonder for very long, though, because before I could even get out of the car I heard two shrieks of "Pippy!"
The taxi driver must have thought I was very popular. It was perfect timing for a gigantic group hug with two of my best friends. I didn't miss school. I wasn't looking forward to coming back to Syracuse. Except for my three best friends up here. We texted constantly all weekend and they were very good at leaving me drunken Facebook videos every night. We are known as those 4 crazy girls from the 7th floor. We're constantly together and this was the first time we were apart since becoming friends this semester. There was some separation anxiety.
But now The Pink Mafia is reunited...and we started a YouTube channel. We'll see how that one turns out!
Sunday, April 4, 2010
BEDA Day 4: Happy Easter
I am the youngest of four children. I am 19 going on 20. Johnny is 20 going on 21. Danny is 22 going on 23. Carlee is 24 going on 25. But we still celebrate Easter like little children.
Last year we did a full out Easter egg hunt. I was 18 and Carlee was 23. Grown children probably shouldn't have their own Easter egg hunt but we have no shame. My Dad just loves to hide the eggs. It's one of the highlight of his year to wake up at 6 AM and hide two dozen eggs in the most obscure places around the house. And then he sits in the kitchen and laughs at us as we hunt for the eggs.
"If you go over toward the toaster maybe you'll be hotter..." *maniacal laughter* "Or maybe I meant the oven."
This year, however, my parents finally decided that once all four children have graduated from high school, we are too old for such childish games. Almost.
Instead of hiding the individual eggs my dad thought it would be funny to hide the full cartons of the eggs. So this morning we went on an Easter egg hunt for 4 cartons of Easter eggs.
My family is weird.
As we made our Easter Sunday brunch I couldn't help but think that in a few years our family will most likely be completely transformed. Pretty soon we'll be entering the era of weddings and babies. Over the next ten years our immediate family will most likely no longer consist of just the 4 kids. In 2020 I'll be turning 30. Carlee will be turning 35. It's likely that all four of us will be married by that time and there may even be a new generation of munchkins running around on their own Easter egg hunt. My dad (by then he'll be Pop Pop) will still sit in his chair egging (sorry!) them on.
I just can't picture it.
Right now it feels like my family is experiencing a few years of calm before the storm of change that will undoubtedly take place over the next five or ten years. Who knows what that change will bring? But right now I just want to enjoy this time.
I'm going to go sit outside on the patio with my family. We'll probably end up arguing (most likely about politics) but we'll end up laughing more. It's sunny and beautiful out. What am I doing inside blogging?!
Last year we did a full out Easter egg hunt. I was 18 and Carlee was 23. Grown children probably shouldn't have their own Easter egg hunt but we have no shame. My Dad just loves to hide the eggs. It's one of the highlight of his year to wake up at 6 AM and hide two dozen eggs in the most obscure places around the house. And then he sits in the kitchen and laughs at us as we hunt for the eggs.
"If you go over toward the toaster maybe you'll be hotter..." *maniacal laughter* "Or maybe I meant the oven."
This year, however, my parents finally decided that once all four children have graduated from high school, we are too old for such childish games. Almost.
Instead of hiding the individual eggs my dad thought it would be funny to hide the full cartons of the eggs. So this morning we went on an Easter egg hunt for 4 cartons of Easter eggs.
My family is weird.
As we made our Easter Sunday brunch I couldn't help but think that in a few years our family will most likely be completely transformed. Pretty soon we'll be entering the era of weddings and babies. Over the next ten years our immediate family will most likely no longer consist of just the 4 kids. In 2020 I'll be turning 30. Carlee will be turning 35. It's likely that all four of us will be married by that time and there may even be a new generation of munchkins running around on their own Easter egg hunt. My dad (by then he'll be Pop Pop) will still sit in his chair egging (sorry!) them on.
I just can't picture it.
Right now it feels like my family is experiencing a few years of calm before the storm of change that will undoubtedly take place over the next five or ten years. Who knows what that change will bring? But right now I just want to enjoy this time.
I'm going to go sit outside on the patio with my family. We'll probably end up arguing (most likely about politics) but we'll end up laughing more. It's sunny and beautiful out. What am I doing inside blogging?!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
BEDA Day 3: Warming Up
Before I actually get into the meat of this entry, I have to transcribe this conversation going on around me. We are all sitting around the dinner table finishing up family dinner*.
Mike**: "Somebody named their kid Jihad."
Johnny: "He's going to grow up to be a warlord."
Danny: "That'd actually be a pretty sick name."
Johnny: "I want to name my kid Genghis."
Just a normal family conversation.
I forgot how hard it is to find something to blog about every day. I could keep an account of my daily activities but all I did today was wake up at 1 PM, go to see my friends, dye Easter eggs, and eat dinner. Obviously those activities are riveting material for a blog post. If I was wittier I'm sure I could make my boring daily activities sound interesting but, alas, I do not have those skills. I am much more of an introspective blogger.
Well, here we go***:
Over on 5AG**** this week the topic for the videos was nicknames. Since I go by several different names I thought I would take this opportunity to explain. I have always felt that names are very important. I am one of those people who has a Word document on my computer of names that I have collected over the years. I suppose this is part of the writer in me as I use it as a resource for character names. But I think my interest in names originated because I have so many and also because for two months I had no name*****.
My name is Rosalee. I am named after the patron saint of Palermo, Sicily. St. Rosalia was a hermit in a cave in Sicily. Four hundred years after her death, when the plague came to Palermo, her spirit appeared to a man and told him where to find her remains. She ordered him to find her remains and process them through the city. The man did as she instructed and the plague ended. Pretty cool.
Not many people actually call me Rosalee, though.
At home, my father will call me Rosebud or Rosebee. My siblings have several nicknames for me including Buzz Newman, Rosalbee, and Beehouse. Mainly, however, my family calls me Bee******. Bee is one of those nicknames that is strictly for my family with only a few exceptions for close friends who have become like family.
My friends all know me as Pip. Or Pippy. Or Pippa. Or Pipskies. This may seem like the most random nickname (although not anymore random than Bee for a girl who doesn't have a B anywhere in her name) but this one actually makes sense. "Pip" is merely the first syllable of my last name. I don't know how Pip caught on as my nickname but it has become so common that most of my friends at school don't know my real name*******.
And so those are my names. Rosalee********, Bee, Pip. I am the living proof: A Rose by any other name...
* I am sitting in the armchair right next to the dinner table. Our house has an open floor plan so I can sit in this armchair and be a part of every conversation going on in all the most important rooms of the house (kitchen, dining room, and den)
** Mike is not actually a member of my family. He is our neighbor and my both my brothers' best friend. He is the sort of family friend that comes over unannounced at all hours and is always welcome, like on a sitcom. If he is out of milk at his house, he comes over with his morning bowl of cereal, uses our milk, and leaves.
***I am still warming up my daily blogging skillz (with a Z) and so I am going to shamelessly steal my blog topic today.
****5AwesomeGirls
*****When I was born my parents couldn't decide on a name for me. They took me home and tried out several names such as Giovanna, Francesca, and Domenica. Obviously none of those stuck and so for two months I was simply "the baby."
******Don't ask. It's one of those young kids giving their baby sister a random pet name that somehow stuck.
*******Until we become official Facebook friends...we live in a Facebook world, folks, and nothing is real until it is Facebook Official.
********I forgot to mention the Rose nicknames that go along with Rosalee. Rose and Rosie are also fairly common among extended family and some friends.
Mike**: "Somebody named their kid Jihad."
Johnny: "He's going to grow up to be a warlord."
Danny: "That'd actually be a pretty sick name."
Johnny: "I want to name my kid Genghis."
Just a normal family conversation.
I forgot how hard it is to find something to blog about every day. I could keep an account of my daily activities but all I did today was wake up at 1 PM, go to see my friends, dye Easter eggs, and eat dinner. Obviously those activities are riveting material for a blog post. If I was wittier I'm sure I could make my boring daily activities sound interesting but, alas, I do not have those skills. I am much more of an introspective blogger.
Well, here we go***:
Over on 5AG**** this week the topic for the videos was nicknames. Since I go by several different names I thought I would take this opportunity to explain. I have always felt that names are very important. I am one of those people who has a Word document on my computer of names that I have collected over the years. I suppose this is part of the writer in me as I use it as a resource for character names. But I think my interest in names originated because I have so many and also because for two months I had no name*****.
My name is Rosalee. I am named after the patron saint of Palermo, Sicily. St. Rosalia was a hermit in a cave in Sicily. Four hundred years after her death, when the plague came to Palermo, her spirit appeared to a man and told him where to find her remains. She ordered him to find her remains and process them through the city. The man did as she instructed and the plague ended. Pretty cool.
Not many people actually call me Rosalee, though.
At home, my father will call me Rosebud or Rosebee. My siblings have several nicknames for me including Buzz Newman, Rosalbee, and Beehouse. Mainly, however, my family calls me Bee******. Bee is one of those nicknames that is strictly for my family with only a few exceptions for close friends who have become like family.
My friends all know me as Pip. Or Pippy. Or Pippa. Or Pipskies. This may seem like the most random nickname (although not anymore random than Bee for a girl who doesn't have a B anywhere in her name) but this one actually makes sense. "Pip" is merely the first syllable of my last name. I don't know how Pip caught on as my nickname but it has become so common that most of my friends at school don't know my real name*******.
And so those are my names. Rosalee********, Bee, Pip. I am the living proof: A Rose by any other name...
* I am sitting in the armchair right next to the dinner table. Our house has an open floor plan so I can sit in this armchair and be a part of every conversation going on in all the most important rooms of the house (kitchen, dining room, and den)
** Mike is not actually a member of my family. He is our neighbor and my both my brothers' best friend. He is the sort of family friend that comes over unannounced at all hours and is always welcome, like on a sitcom. If he is out of milk at his house, he comes over with his morning bowl of cereal, uses our milk, and leaves.
***I am still warming up my daily blogging skillz (with a Z) and so I am going to shamelessly steal my blog topic today.
****5AwesomeGirls
*****When I was born my parents couldn't decide on a name for me. They took me home and tried out several names such as Giovanna, Francesca, and Domenica. Obviously none of those stuck and so for two months I was simply "the baby."
******Don't ask. It's one of those young kids giving their baby sister a random pet name that somehow stuck.
*******Until we become official Facebook friends...we live in a Facebook world, folks, and nothing is real until it is Facebook Official.
********I forgot to mention the Rose nicknames that go along with Rosalee. Rose and Rosie are also fairly common among extended family and some friends.
I forgot...
...about Blog Every Day April. I already missed one day and I foresee this month going awry but I will of course make an attempt. It's already almost midnight of the second day, however, so I am going to write this up quickly. Not a very flashy start to the endeavor but here we go:
A Few Mundane Events and Pointless Musings from Pip's Day
- I learned how to make paper flowers this week. It is my newest obsession that also doubles as the perfect form of procrastination. I have already made around a hundred paper flowers and I just can't stop. I have been giving them away to everyone I know whether they want them or not. Perhaps I will make a secret project out of my new obsession. I have an idea brewing.
- I am home for Easter. Traveling yesterday: 5 hours on a bus from Syracuse to New York City, 1 hour layover at Penn Station, 3 hours on a bus from NYC to Baltimore.
- I am wearing polo shirt for the Johns Hopkins Emergency Medicine, Division of Special Operations.
- I bought lime green RayBan style sunglasses today.
- I can't decide what I want to do with my life. I am really conflicted about my choice of schools. Should I stay at Syracuse? Should I transfer? Should I even be in college right now?
- If I do stay at Syracuse, I got a position as a TA for next semester.** And I am signed up for my first creative writing workshop for my major as well as a class on Italian Cinema (just for fun!).
- I have been listening to the Spring Awakening soundtrack nonstop for the past week. I have already bought my tickets for June when the tour comes through Baltimore again. I can't say how excited I am to finally see the play. I have most of the songs memorized and the soundtrack has become my go-to shower set list.
- I have been having a recurring nightmare lately of bleeding to death from every pore in my body. It's disturbing. Every night I die.
- All Boy situations have come to a halt but remain murky enough to still occupy my thoughts. There's V-Neck Guy, with whom I am now close (platonic) friends, who drunkenly texted me out of the blue to hook up***. There's drunken hook up from February that is close friends with one of my periphery friends but now our groups are overlapping more often and it is awkward. There's old situation from the summer that is long settled but which has been on my mind lately because of certain realizations****. And then, finally, there's the nice guy from one of my classes that I might want to get to know a little better.
- Oops. It's midnight.
*Before I start writing up this blog post I just have to note that it is exactly 11:28 PM right now. My birthday. I always make a wish if I catch sight of 11:28. Right now I am making a wish for the Old Spice commercial guy (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE) or Sammy Adams (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpOMtfqJZ4). I can't make up my mind.
**Even though, I was still drunk from partying the night before for the interview last Friday...
***WE DID NOT (and never will again...he's a good friend but a dick with girls. I legitimately feel bad for his girlfriend)
****I've just been wondering about how my decisions might have affected others. My brother and Nick are no longer as close as they once were. I have a feeling I played a part in the deterioration of their friendship. I don't know how I feel about this.
A Few Mundane Events and Pointless Musings from Pip's Day
- I learned how to make paper flowers this week. It is my newest obsession that also doubles as the perfect form of procrastination. I have already made around a hundred paper flowers and I just can't stop. I have been giving them away to everyone I know whether they want them or not. Perhaps I will make a secret project out of my new obsession. I have an idea brewing.
- I am home for Easter. Traveling yesterday: 5 hours on a bus from Syracuse to New York City, 1 hour layover at Penn Station, 3 hours on a bus from NYC to Baltimore.
- I am wearing polo shirt for the Johns Hopkins Emergency Medicine, Division of Special Operations.
- I bought lime green RayBan style sunglasses today.
- I can't decide what I want to do with my life. I am really conflicted about my choice of schools. Should I stay at Syracuse? Should I transfer? Should I even be in college right now?
- If I do stay at Syracuse, I got a position as a TA for next semester.** And I am signed up for my first creative writing workshop for my major as well as a class on Italian Cinema (just for fun!).
- I have been listening to the Spring Awakening soundtrack nonstop for the past week. I have already bought my tickets for June when the tour comes through Baltimore again. I can't say how excited I am to finally see the play. I have most of the songs memorized and the soundtrack has become my go-to shower set list.
- I have been having a recurring nightmare lately of bleeding to death from every pore in my body. It's disturbing. Every night I die.
- All Boy situations have come to a halt but remain murky enough to still occupy my thoughts. There's V-Neck Guy, with whom I am now close (platonic) friends, who drunkenly texted me out of the blue to hook up***. There's drunken hook up from February that is close friends with one of my periphery friends but now our groups are overlapping more often and it is awkward. There's old situation from the summer that is long settled but which has been on my mind lately because of certain realizations****. And then, finally, there's the nice guy from one of my classes that I might want to get to know a little better.
- Oops. It's midnight.
*Before I start writing up this blog post I just have to note that it is exactly 11:28 PM right now. My birthday. I always make a wish if I catch sight of 11:28. Right now I am making a wish for the Old Spice commercial guy (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE) or Sammy Adams (see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cpOMtfqJZ4). I can't make up my mind.
**Even though, I was still drunk from partying the night before for the interview last Friday...
***WE DID NOT (and never will again...he's a good friend but a dick with girls. I legitimately feel bad for his girlfriend)
****I've just been wondering about how my decisions might have affected others. My brother and Nick are no longer as close as they once were. I have a feeling I played a part in the deterioration of their friendship. I don't know how I feel about this.
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